with joy.

new blog.

2012-01-15T14:29:00.003-05:00

hello, dear friends.

as luke and i prepare for india, we have decided to combine all of our blogs into one. we have imported them all, and therefore, from now on, i will only be blogging here:

http://unlesstheseed.wordpress.com

i hope you will join us there!

love,
e

a year in photos two (photos taken by others...with my camera)

2012-01-01T13:38:00.000-05:00

so here we have it. the second edition of my "year in photos" project. i realized as i uploaded pictures that there were two months (april and may) where i was too selfish to let others touch my camera to take photos. so i supplemented with other favorite photos and memories. enjoy!

january
photo credit: mom t.

another january telluride picture, taken right outside the lodge (read: mansion) we stayed in. it was beautiful.

february
photo credit: luke

i turned 25 on the first day of february! i had a lovely relaxing day, with a good long run, and an ice cream cake, compliments of my loving and wonderful husband.

march
photo credit: luke

again, march when my sisters came to visit (so many good pictures of those beautiful ladies!). here we are at eastern market under a cherry blossom tree! i love the cherry blossoms!

april
photo credit: me

easter was lovely and warm. after church, jordan, valerie, luke and i spent the sunny, april afternoon lounging on blankets in a nearby park and blowing bubbles.

may
photo credit: me

in may our friends, neil and rachel, invited us to join their lovely family on a trip to camden yards to see the orioles take on the nationals. it was so much fun! and the kids are adorable. i love this picture of neil teaching henry (and i guess kind of margaret....) how to keep score.

june
photo credit: luke

in june i had the lovely opportunity to see my wonderful mentor, kristen, get married. and rachel and whitney, my lovely friends who were discipled along with me were there, too! it was a most glorious event.

july
photo credit: zoya

july in india. could it be any better than letting kids play with your camera? i, personally, don't think so (see september as well).

august
photo credit: kathleen

weddings are a wonderful time to be with friends. see: liz and kris' august wedding. good times were had by all.

september
photo credit: beautiful little girl who's name i can't recall...

september and our block party. this little girl loved taking pictures. and she was pretty good. again, i love letting little kids play with my camera.

october
photo credit: tamara

my family came up in october and we spent the weekend walking around pretty places, eating german food and watching the planes land at gravelley point.

november
photo credit: jordan

november thanksgiving again, which was a good enough memory to include in both rounds. and the only time i actually let someone else touch my camera. i like this picture cause you can see little ted.

december
photo credit: tamara

during the months of november and december we had two clients die. it was a really rough month, that ended with a beautiful series of memorial services. during the service for tim, tamara captured this photo. i think it says so much.

______________________________________________

honorable mention all happened during june and july, and are basically just some funny and memorable pictures.

the pictures below were all taken during the same visit home during the month of june:


june honorable mention photo credit: luke

this is a common occurrence when all the sisters get together with ted. we can't decide if he loves it or hates it, but we love him!

this next series of pictures cracks me up because of christie:


june honorable mention photo credit: luke

in this first photo christie (far left) will have nothing to do with the silliness jenny and i are creating...


june honorable mention photo credit: luke

the second photo christie is considering joining in on our crazy actions...

june honorable mention
photo credit: luke

third photo: christie abandons all sense of what is right and mature and joins in our escapade. mission accomplished.

july honorable mention
photo credit: some dude on the street in front of the place we ate.

kelly's birthday we had indian food and laughed and took our first "family" photo. we had a lot of fun. i love these people.

____________________________________________

so that's the complete 2011 photo review. happy new years, everyone!

a year in photos part 1 (photos taken by me)

2011-12-30T20:20:00.003-05:00

so i saw on another blog someone who posted one picture a month...their favorite picture or their favorite memory...to recap the year. i wanted to do that, but i had such a hard time limiting it to just one! so, i decided to split it into two sections. the first (this one) being photos taken by me. the second (soon to come) is photos taken by others, but with my camera. i also struggled between choosing my favorite memory from each month and my favorite picture. sometimes they matched and sometimes they didn't. hopefully the second set will reconcile these a bit, but the honorable mention might as well.

so here they are, my favorite picture from each month of 2011.

january

in january we hopped in a plane and flew to colorado for some skiing. i had never seen the rockies up close before and they were glorious. a whole different kind of beauty than the blue ridge. we had an excellent time with luke’s family.

february

in february luke had his lasic eye surgery. this is hands down my favorite picture of february because it cracks me up. he had to wear these weird eye-protectors for two weeks after the surgery.

march

in march two of my sisters came up to visit and we spent a lovely afternoon at eastern market. the capitol hillbillies were playing and we listened for awhile. this is probably my favorite picture that i took that afternoon. i don’t remember much of march. i think that jenny and her boyfriend also came up, but i just didn’t take many pictures. march is also when i started a new full-time job, so the business might have something to do with it...

april

in april we moved from our first apartment together into a community home in anacostia. we love our new home, and i honestly can't believe that we moved there in april...it seems like we've been there so long. anyways, this was our very last picture together in our apartment before we turned the keys in. good bye, rock creek church road ne!

may

in may my mom's side all got together to surprise my pappap on his 90th birthday. it was a wonderful trip, and we all had a lot of fun. i love this picture of my grandma and pappap during the flurry of pictures we were taking. they are pretty cool and inspiring.

june

so much happened during the summer, and a lot of my honorable mentions will come from june, july and august. however, this picture from june when our friend, kevin, came up to dc is probably my favorite. during that visit we went to the zoo and went tubing (and i lost my tiny camera...) they are so comfortable in their masculinity...

july

july was another one of those months when so.much.happened. during the fourth of july fireworks were going off EVERYWHERE. there were some teens and kids setting these off in the alley behind our house and i joined in and took some pictures. the kids would get up so close and then the sparks would fly and they would run away screaming. time after time after time. it was a lot of fun.

august

we spent the last half of july and august in india. it was beautiful and so affirming of the call luke and i have felt for awhile now. during our time in k-town we volunteered with the sisters of charity. serving in this place taught me lessons that i am still learning about now. this picture is also telling because of the crazy flood waters. it was raining so hard!

september

i struggled with the picture for september because we had several great pictures. but i think the most meaningful memory i had was our last baseball game in nats park. we've had a could of "last" games because we always thought we would be leaving dc. this one was indeed our last, for now. we had a good time.

october

i took a lot of beautiful pictures on our annual apple picking event with jordan and valerie in october but this was my favorite. look at the excitement and the joy =) i love them.

november

november was beautiful, with beautiful weather, beautiful leaves and beautiful people. we had 16 people at our thanksgiving meal, plus one dog and one cat. the weekend was fun.

december

thus far, december has been filled with hard stuff, good time with family and meaningful time with God. i think the most uplifting time was the spiritual retreat we went on in mid-december. this little kitten followed me around for the morning of our second day, but the time at corhaven, the spiritual retreat center, was refreshing.

_____________________________________________________

so those are my top 12 for the year. a few honorable mentions include:

january honorable mention

another picture from telluride ski trip.

march honorable mention.

another picture from katie and christie's visit to dc and eastern market.

may honorable mention.

a picture from our trip to pennsylvania. i think this field is stunning.

july honorable mention.

luke and i celebrated our 3rd anniversary with a double header baseball game and a picnic. it was perfect.

august honorable mention.

kites fling in delhi. it was more beautiful than my little camera could capture.

september honorable mention.

we had our first block party. the little girl on the left loved taking pictures with me camera. this family was beautiful.

october honorable mention.

we went to michigan for kali and charlie teater's wedding. it was beautiful and they were sweet. i really liked capturing both of them with their father's during the father-daughter dance.

november honorable mention.

we went to teddy roosavelt island to collect leaves for decorations and hike around. this little boy wanted to do exactly what luke was doing but swore it was his own idea. it was pretty cute.

november honorable mention.

the beginning of the christmas season. we went to the botanical gardens with our families the friday after thanksgiving to herald it in. it was a lot of fun and extremely beautiful.

december honorable mention.

celebrating ellen's birthday at the gaylord with the housemates. we rode the elevator a couple of times so we could see the decorations from up high and ride the super-fast elevator.

__________________________________________________

so there's the first round! pictures taken by others to come shortly!

another letter.

2011-12-23T20:28:00.001-05:00

Dear Tim,

I am certain that you are in a better place now, but we still miss you.

Today, we had your memorial service. Pathways helped organize it, and it was a really special service. You touched a lot of lives out there. Even some of the community members who just new you from Panhandling stopped by during the service and shed a few tears. In case you didn't know it while you were here, a lot of people loved you.

People had some really good memories of you. You were a pretty sweet guy. A lot of people appreciated your gentleness and humility, as well as your ability to care for other people. Though Kat reminded us all to keep it real--so I have to say we're all pretty sad that you were really unable to take care of yourself well.

Your service was a really special, and I think it reminded a lot of us exactly how life should be. We had a lot of people, creeds, races, socio-economic statuses, and sexualities. We all came together to celebrate your life and to remember what you meant to all of us. I think you would have really liked it.

I miss you and your high-fives, your stories and our discussions about what you read in your Bible. But El and I talked today, and we can both imagine you smiling down on us, and sitting, laughing with Jesus. And I think that's pretty awesome.

more.

2011-12-18T16:17:00.000-05:00

"Teacher," he declared, "all these I have kept since I was a boy."
Jesus looked at him and loved him. "One thing you lack," he said. "Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then, come, follow me."
At this the man's face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth.

I read this passage this weekend. After an incredibly long and exhausting week. A week that left me wondering what the point of this life is. In the past month I have had two clients pass away. Two. And it was sudden. Unexpected. And harsh.

The reality of it all is, I found out in my therapy session this week, is that I'm angry. It is not fair. And as I'm recovering from shock I find myself questioning why God has us on this planet. I'm reconsidering my definition of "success", which currently is disturbingly close to what "success" means in the United States. I would be lying if I said that there weren't more times than not this week when I wanted to lock myself in my room and hide under the bed until this world comes to an end. Sometimes it just hurts too much.

In the midst of all of this I read the story of the rich young ruler. I've heard numerous messages on this, and other passages in the Bible where the message is, "you just have to be willing to sell all your possessions, Jesus really doesn't want you to do it..." and my question has always been "why not?". But I think this weekend I realized that both of these responses are wrong.

The point is that we're missing something. Jesus didn't look at this young man and feel sarcasm, or anger, or frustration. He didn't look at this young man and feel like saying something snarky or giving him an impossible task. No, Jesus looked at him and loved him.

This wording has always stood out to me, because I never understood it. This was Jesus offering something to this man, but certainly he knew that the man would not accept. Why, then, did Jesus love this man, who would turn towards his earthly possessions and away from Jesus?

This week it hit me. Jesus did love the man, so he wanted to offer him more to life than he was living. More than the old law, more than what this earth had to offer, more life than the rich young ruler would be able to handle. More. More is offered here. A relationship with the Son of God Himself. More.

And I realized that when we say "of course Jesus doesn't want you to sell all your things" OR when we say "of course Jesus DOES want you to sell all your things" we're missing the point. The point is FOLLOWING Jesus. The point is not drawing lines. The point is not trying to figure out what Jesus didn't mean, but rather accepting all that He does mean.

I find comfort and solace so often in things of this world. But then when this world lets me down I wonder what the point of this life is. But this is the point: whatever this world has to offer, Jesus has more.

It makes me sad to realize what all I must be missing because I search for what God is NOT asking me to do, rather than what He is. This is where the pharisees got it wrong, and where I think we get it wrong today, too. Following Jesus doesn't always mean doing the hardest thing, or selling all we have, and sometimes it does, but what we fail to recognize is that whatever Jesus asks us to do it's worth it because He wants us to join Him, and He wants to offer us more.

living broken.

2011-12-08T17:27:00.001-05:00

"no one has ever accused me of being gentle" i told my spiritual director. "maybe i need to work on that." i sighed and added another thing to my list.
"no," she said softly, "you need to be gentled."

i've lived a life of exasperation these past few weeks. anger at work, frustration in relationships, sadness with clients. all of these have added to a load that i feel has grown quite heavy. on top of that God has been humbling me in so many ways...showing me my brokenness when i just want to blame others for theirs, making me face my judgmental attitudes head on.

i am so broken. and as i listen to beloved music during this advent season i find myself longing for Emmanuel to come, for the bells to answer me that the wrong shall fail and right prevail. this place, this world, is. so. broken.

and i'm homesick. i am longing for a new heaven and a new earth. and to be gentled.

but here i am. in a broken world. living broken. and (sometimes unfortunately) it is not my personality to back down.

but this Messiah that i long for and anxiously await made a promise for the time being. the waiting period.

" come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. for My yoke is easy and my burden is light."

sometimes being gentle and humble are scary. it's a loss of control and a loss of the right to be correct and even (at least it feels sometimes...) a loss of justice. but really it is placing the trust that all will be cared for in the hands of whom it belongs.

for now, i will allow Him to gentle me.

but my heart still longs for Emmanuel to come.

a letter

2011-11-08T17:32:00.002-05:00

Dear Joseph,

The base of your tree was empty this morning, and the sun filtered through the colorful leaves. It was a pretty quiet morning, and as I walked by I thought that you probably would have been able to chat with me for a bit without getting too distracted.

I don't know if it's okay that I'm writing this to you. It's one of those blurry lines between client and case worker. But here I am, and I am going to write it anyway.

People miss you. Tamara and me, especially. The people in Murrow ask about you often, as do the Ambassadors and even some of the people who work in the area. We're not really sure what is going to happen, but your family is talking about that. We are glad that we found them for you.

You were always one of those people who I both loved and dreaded seeing. You were full of personality, and sometimes that personality was hard for you to contain. You were both obnoxiously loud, and incredibly sweet (on most days). I think that you didn't know how to handle the kind of things life had so haphazardly thrown at you. Most people wouldn't. And I think that's probably why it was hard for people to look at you or to allow themselves to get to know you. I don't think that anybody meant to hurt you, they just didn't know how to face you, and the parts of themselves that you represented.

I miss hearing you yelling from across the street. And the way that your (almost) innocent eyes looked up at me as you told me to be safe and called me things like "Sweet Betty" and "Brother Sister". You always came up with the most interesting names for people, and I think the "Yellow Birds" actually appreciated it, even though you weren't so sure what to think of them.

I always had a feeling that there was so much more to you than I could access. I'm sorry if it bothered you when I asked my questions. I just wanted to get to that part of you, and I didn't know how. Do you know that on the last day that Tamara and I saw you in the park we had figured out a way to record your story like you always asked us to? But it was too cold, and you were huddled under that blanket and didn't really seem interested in talking. I kind of wish we would have pushed you a little harder. I think you wanted to tell us something...

Every time I saw you I left unsure how to handle our interactions. You both broke my heart and healed it a little bit at a time. I don't think you even knew...I don't think I did either, until your absence let me know.

Even now I don't really know what to say or how to feel. I just wanted to let you know that we miss you. For some reason this seemed like the best way.

community.

2011-10-02T22:42:00.002-04:00

after dinner we gathered in the living room to talk about dreams, listen to stories and learn about what it means to live. together. in community. bundled up in hoodies, blankets, and scarves (because we're a little too cheap to give in to the heat quite yet), we lit candles laughed, sighed and debated together. this is what life looks like. i am so lucky that God has called me to this place.

the anacostia

2011-10-01T09:59:00.004-04:00

the anacostia river. several months ago luke and i moved east of it. to a place where no one in the "right" mind "wants" to live. it's the place that has been described as the dumping ground for things that the city doesn't want in it's center--the mental hospital, several long-stay homeless shelters, the jail, section 8 housing and the power plant. it's where a couple of years ago during all the snow, dc literally took snow from the streets of downtown and dumped it right here, east of the river. but now we call it home. and we love it here.

the anacostia river. i walked across it on my way home last night. i forgot my smartrip card, and so instead of paying $3.40 to get home by bus, i took a bus halfway home for $1.70 and walked the rest of the way. over the anacostia at sunset.

God has always given me the mercy of using my direct surroundings to learn truths about Him and about myself, and last night was no different. as i looked across the bridge at sunset, i realized that i am a lot like the anacostia river. the river at sunset--this is how i want people to see me. i want them to see someone who is graceful and peaceful and serene. i want them to think i am lovely and beautiful. i've been reading a lot about the enneagram this week. i am a "2", a "people pleaser". my goal is to make myself and others believe that i am loving and caring, selfless and kind.

in reality, the anacostia is quite polluted and dirty. there is a lot of trash and the plants that touch the river on a regular basis are dirty and dying. the river does not give life, it brings death.

this is how i feel that i am sometimes. especially this week, i feel drained and tired and uncertain of what i should do. so i'm crabby and angry. i'm disillusioned and i do not bring life to people, i bring cynicism and death. sometimes i nurse angry thoughts in my head, and often those thoughts spill out into gossip and angry words. inside i am not peaceful and serene. when you get up close to me you realize that i am restless and wrestling with thoughts and actions--both those of myself and those around me. on my worst days, the reasons i appear loving and caring is because i want something in return. recognition or favors or love. my worst fear is not being needed. i am dirty. like the anacostia when you get up close.

but, as i crossed over the bridge and made my way into the park, God reminded me that, just like the anacostia river, and the adjacent park east of it, i am still a work in progress. i need to rely on Him and on others to help clean me up. to point out things that are wrong with my thinking or my acting. on my good days, i am enjoyed by many people. i can bring joy to those around me. and on my bad days i smell pretty bad. but eventually i will be made clean, and by the grace of God i will be who He created me to be.

__________________________________________

"I thank my God every time I remember you. In all my prayers for all of you, I always pray with joy because of your partnership in the gospel from the first day until now, being confident of this, that he who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus.

It is right for me to feel this way about all of you, since I have you in my heart and, whether I am in chains or defending and confirming the gospel, all of you share in God’s grace with me. God can testify how I long for all of you with the affection of Christ Jesus. And this is my prayer: that your love may abound more and more in knowledge and depth of insight, so that you may be able to discern what is best and may be pure and blameless for the day of Christ, filled with the fruit of righteousness that comes through Jesus Christ—to the glory and praise of God."

-Philippians 1:3-11

________________________________________

feelin' groovy

2011-09-01T21:50:00.001-04:00

things i am currently finding groovy*:

september. and the return of my spiced pumpkin candle.

simon & garfunkel (hence the title...).

my clients. and how much i love them.

my job. because my co-worker is amazing and my clients are special. and because it's the best job in the world.

dreaming about india.

fresh flowers. and how my client who sells them likes to give them to me for free (he tried to do it again today when i wanted to buy some for my housemate!).

living in community and practicing common prayer.

my husband. who makes me giggle.

pictures and the taking and editing of.

pumpkin spice muffins (and the anticipation of a pumpkin spice latte on tuesday!).

just a happy note as we head into friday!

happy september everyone!

____________________________________________

*in no particular order.

human together

2011-08-30T16:49:00.004-04:00

i had every intention of going to the gym when i got home from work this afternoon. but after staying up until midnight last night and going into work at 7:00 this morning it was more appealing for me to come home to our empty community house, grab a handful of pita chips and a mug full of chocolate milk and sit down to blog while our house cat snoozes on the chair across from me and the sunlight filters through the numerous windows. it's not usually quiet in our house. which i like. i love living in community, i love my housemates and i would not give up where i am in life right now for anything (unless, maybe, i was offered a ticket to india...but even that's uncertain because that will happen when God is ready...). but it's been an emotional week, and i haven't really had time to think and sometimes that can add to the exhaustion.

today tamara and i were talking to one of our clients who sells flowers.
"a," i said, "those are really beautiful. i'm going to come back and buy some from you later." "take some" a answered, "i want you to have them."
"but i don't have any money with me right now..."
"i want to give them to you."
so i left him with a bouquet of beautiful flowers in yellows and reds and burgundy--a perfect fall mix for the end of august.

i have probably said it before and i will probably say it again because i think that our common humanity will always and forever be what drives me and compels me consistently to love others. i count myself so, so privileged because day after day i get to sit down and hear the stories and share the humanity with people who many have pushed to the side.

i get to see the smile on a's face as he watches people pick out flowers from his stand. i get to hear the simple reasoning of justice from my developmentally delayed friend r, which reminds me day after day to seek the simple justices and ways of life. it's not really as complicated as i make it. i get to see the tears in g's eyes as he tells me (yet again) of the death of his daughter. i see the excitement when d gets to provide a home for his wife after a long time searching. i get to enter into the delusions of mr. c who has somehow decided to trust me even though he thinks everyone else is out to get him. and i get to laugh with c as he tells me i'm a stalker and accuses me of stealing all the petty cash (i never really know if he's joking...).

i'm so privileged because i get to experience humanity every day with people who are simply human...but told by society that they just aren't worth it.

t and i have two quotes in our office and at the end of every email that we send. her's reads "my humanity is bound up in yours, for we can only be human together" (bishop desmond tutu) and i have found this to be so true. as i realize my clients humanity i realize more and more my own humanity. our weaknesses and strengths. loves and dislikes. we rejoice together and cry together. and through our common humanity we build bonds and help each other grow.

a psalm

2011-07-10T16:12:00.003-04:00

i've been struggling with God. learning what it looks like to give control over to Him and to trust Him with my life. to accept that He knows my future, and He knows what He wants it to look like. also trying to remember that He is the God of justice and mercy. of love and wrath. and He is able to be the God of opposites because He is the Alpha and the Omega.

whenever i struggle, i find it helpful to do something creative. for some reason it helps bring me closer to God in a way that is easy and comfortable. this week i've been praying and thinking and reading the psalms. i came to psalm 101, and for some reason i was prompted to re-write it. and i thought i would share.

psalm 101
of elisabeth. a psalm.

i will sing of Your love and justice;
to You, O LORD, i will sing praise.
i will try, with Your help, to live a life of justice and mercy--
will You help me?

i will treat my family with love and grace.
i will not enter into temptation purposefully.

the deeds of the unjust--especially those that they claim to do in Your name--frustrate me.
those deeds i hate. they will not be my deeds.
those whose heart is focused on violence and lies shall not be close to me--
for i will have nothing to do with evil.

whoever slanders the poor or meek--
those i will try to give a new point of view;
whoever has haughty eyes and a proud heart--
i will speak to them the truth of Your justice.

my eyes will be on the marginalized in the land,
that they may dwell with me;
i will entreat the faithful and just to minister to me.

no one who speaks lies as if they are truth will dwell in my house--
for they do more damage than good.

every morning i will seek Your truth, and put to silence the wicked in myself;
and i will seek to bring the Kingdom of the Lord to this city.

we're leaving for india this week. while we're gone luke and i will be blogging from here. hopefully on a more regular basis than we have been previously...

Jesus.

2011-07-03T15:18:00.004-04:00

his name is "jesus". or at least, that is how he introduced himself to me the first day i met him. not the spanish pronunciation that is so prevalent, but "jesus", the way you would hear it if you walked into an american church any given sunday. so that is what i call him. this big, tall guy who makes grand gestures with his arms and eyes while talking, and whose mental illness keeps him on the edge of society.

the first time i met him he simply asked for a couple of sandwiches. the next time i saw him, he was eating in a food court below where he usually sits, because it was raining. but then i started seeing him regularly and we starting having discussions about creating the world, and what it feels like for him to live in a "diseased" place, with "diseased" people when he is the only one who is not full of "disease". "jesus" refuses to go anywhere. he does not want to live inside because it is uncomfortable for him to do so, and he does not really want to be helped because--honestly--who can help "jesus"?

there have been some problems lately with "jesus" which led to us having to have him FD-12'ed, or involuntarily committed to a psychiatric ward. we visited with him a couple times there. the halls are dark, and remind me a little bit of the inside of a prison. after all, the building is right next to a prison, and when our clients who are mentally ill do something illegal, this is where they are taken, instead of prison, to try to get them the treatment they need.

a couple days after he got taken to the psych ward, "jesus" got released and the nurse called us and asked if we could pick him up and take him to his psych intake at a local medical facility. we agreed, and our intern and i hopped into the van and drove over to pick him up. on our way to his appointment he asked us if we could stop and get him something to eat--he was hungry and thirsty. so we took "jesus" to get something to eat. after his intake and doctor's appointments we took him to a laundromat because he needed some clean clothes to wear. and as i was talking to him throughout the day it hit me that these were the simple things that Jesus instructs us to do in matthew 25.

“When the Son of Man comes in his glory, and all the angels with him, he will sit on his glorious throne. All the nations will be gathered before him, and he will separate the people one from another as a shepherd separates the sheep from the goats. He will put the sheep on his right and the goats on his left.

“Then the King will say to those on his right, ‘Come, you who are blessed by my Father; take your inheritance, the kingdom prepared for you since the creation of the world. For I was hungry and you gave me something to eat, I was thirsty and you gave me something to drink, I was a stranger and you invited me in, I needed clothes and you clothed me, I was sick and you looked after me, I was in prison and you came to visit me.’

“Then the righteous will answer him, ‘Lord, when did we see you hungry and feed you, or thirsty and give you something to drink? When did we see you a stranger and invite you in, or needing clothes and clothe you? When did we see you sick or in prison and go to visit you?’

“The King will reply, ‘Truly I tell you, whatever you did for one of the least of these brothers and sisters of mine, you did for me.’"

i don't say this to "toot my own horn", but rather to tell you of a gift that God gave me last week. sometimes i get really frustrated with the state of the world. i get angry that sin perpetuates, the powerful win and the weak on the margins get forgotten, lost or hurt. i get frustrated sometimes with the way that nonprofits are sometimes poorly run, or how the money for these nonprofits is never distributed or shifted to the bottom of the priority list. and i was getting increasingly frustrated last week.

but then God reminded me of the reason i do what i do. the reasons that we all are to care for those on the margins. because when we do so, we are caring for Him. and as i sat with "jesus" and ate lunch with this man who has been pushed to the side and called worthless, i don't think it was an accident that i remembered matthew 25.

i once heard dave andrews--a great speaker and fellow servant and follower of Jesus say that it is comforting for us to know that Jesus tells us to "give, invite, look after, clothe and visit" not to "heal, redeem and fix". we have an easy job--Jesus asks us to do for others things that we CAN do. i get so caught up in my frustrations over things that i CAN'T do, that i often neglect the things that i CAN do. and that day in mcdonalds, Jesus (and "jesus") reminded me of the basics.

words of frustration and whispers of grace

2011-06-14T21:49:00.004-04:00

he's 72 and he's homeless. he's a legal citizen, but his green card got stolen and so we're waiting for a new one to come in the mail. until it does, he is without id and without id, you're kind of stuck. he's also an alcoholic. and when he drinks he gets depressed and suicidal and rambles on and on about his daughter who has passed away and his wife who has also passed. he asks why he is left and why he is in his position. he blames himself. he talks about his past, but does not blame it, he simply states the facts. and when he gets sober, he's gentle and kind. but today, the social worker at the hospital where i spent 7.5 hours trying to get him admitted today looked at me and told me that he was hopeless. that his constant alcohol problem and the related health problems all equal up to him never having a chance. she had decided to write him off. the social worker's tone today reminded me of that of ebenezer scrooge in a christmas carol--when he harshly criticizes the men taking up a collection from the poor. after retorting harshly that his taxes paid for poor houses and prison's, the charity collectors comment that the services for the poor are so terrible that they would rather die than utilize them, scrooge replies "then they had better do it and reduce the surplus population!"

you see, there was a terrible outcry in the nation when universal healthcare was suggested. the government has no right to pick and choose who lives or what treatment people get! rumors of death panels, decreased healthcare options and a general downgrade to a lower standard were posed as terrible outcomes of this possible system. and while i do not know if these things would happen, i think we miss a terrible point when defending our "right" to healthcare. the current system already picks and chooses who lives and who dies. who deserves a chance, and who should just be discharged to the streets to defend for themselves.

but i have digressed into yet another fit of frustration. i came home in a mood. and as i was discussing with a housemate this "social worker" who caused my furry i lamented on how anyone could just write someone off. i proclaimed loudly that i may be naive, but i would rather be naive than bitter and that no person--no matter how long they have been an alcoholic--deserves the lack of grace and the lack of encouragement that she was offering. "everyone deserves a second or third or millionth chance!" i indignantly declared. "i just know one thing! i pray to God that i am never like that social worker!"

and then it hit me. i was just like that pharisee in luke 18--the one who loudly thanks God that he is not like the sinners he sees around him. our tendency is to swing the other way, and thank God that we are not like the pharisee. the point is they are both wrong. and as i stood in my indignant, self-righteous state i forgot one thing. that she deserves as much grace as my client.

i think that injustice and ungrace frustrates God as much (so...probably more) than it frustrates me. i'm sure He looks down on our systems (capitalist, communist, socialist--all systems of exploitation) and says "how do they not get it?". He sent Christ to die that so we may extend grace. to the homeless alcoholic and the bitter social worker alike. as Christians, it is our job to always extend grace. for God always extends grace to us.

blessed are you who are poor.

2011-06-09T21:07:00.008-04:00

"hi m." i said as i approached the woman who always sits in the park. "how are you today?"
"oh, i'm doing fine." she replied in her soft voice. "elisabeth, have you had something to eat today?"
"yes, i have," i answered, knowing this time that if i answered in the negative she would reach into her small plastic bag and given me exactly half of what she had been given that day, including a bottle of water (even though it was 100 degrees outside), for that's what she had done the previous week. every day since then i have seen her carefully and quietly walk around and offer each one of the clients in the park some of her food. we don't know m. well. we don't know why she is living in the park or why she doesn't want to talk to us. but we do know that something in her longs to nurture and care for others. and she has a generous spirit. what else would compel her to ask others if she could give out of the meager food that she had?

m. reminds me of a story that is found in the gospel of luke. Jesus and His disciples are standing near the temple and Jesus sees "the rich putting their gifts into the temple treasury". He then sees a poor widow put in just two small "mites" as one translation calls them. Jesus then states that "this poor widow has put in more than all the others...".

i learn a lot from my clients.

i learn grace. yesterday i was a mess. i couldn't drive. i couldn't talk. i kept dropping things. i was taking a client to get a police clearance and he was chuckling the whole time. when i dropped him off he turned to me and said "elisabeth--you and me, we're gonna be okay."

i learn humility. every day my client tells me something about "the system" i did not know. and often times, they have way more knowledge than i, they just need a little bit of encouragement to take advantage of the resources.

i learn patience. mr. w is one of my clients who teaches me this every day. he's a soft-spoken southern gentleman, who always looks out for my co-worker and me. and whenever there's a set back, he always says "well, liz, that's okay." and gives me a big grin.

when i started this job my prayer was that every day i would be a learner. that i would learn something from the people that others think that i "help". and without even trying every day it happens.

i think in the world we have it mixed up. especially in the united states. we think that if we have material resources, or if we have a large house that God has blessed us. we think that living "the good life" is a sign of blessings from God. but Jesus turns all of that upside down when in luke He says "blessed are you who are poor, for yours in the Kingdom of God..." and the poor are blessed. blessed with grace, with patience, with giving spirits, with humility and gentleness. when i think of those who most clearly exhibit the fruits of the spirit to me it is my clients. without even trying they care for others, even if they don't always know how to care for themselves.

when Jesus came He turned everything upside down. He said blessed are the poor, the weak and the weary--when our world exalts all that is rich, powerful and strong. He said that two mites is worth more than the millions--not because of the amount but because of the Spirit. He instructed us to love our enemies. and ultimately He died a brutal death in order that we may have life and in living have hope.

the more involved i get with my clients the more i long for Jesus to come back and show us again what this world should be. the more i long to exhibit His love to others and to live this upside down world. will you join me?

______________________________

**i know that i have not written in awhile. i want to say that i will be better at it...but in all honesty, i won't. i'm loving living the community life a little bit too much, and rarely take time to sit at my computer alone...

new house

2011-05-03T21:45:00.015-04:00

so, i've been pretty much absent from the internet since...well...march. and a lot has happened. for example, luke and i moved into a new house in a new area. here is the info:

where: we moved into a community house east of the river. the area where we live in is historically "dangerous" and "impoverished" which basically means that while the rest of the city is busy gentrifying, the people who are being pushed out tend to move east of the river. this area has less services than other areas of the city, and is less developed (though that is changing). while we have found our neighbors to be amazingly nice, we still get some strange looks when we tell people that we have moved into this area. we live about a 5 minute walk from a beautiful park right by the river, and my running path now includes a lap around Nats Stadium. pretty much, this is the perfect area for us.

who: we moved in with 6 other people, and will be expanded to 7 in august. luke and i are the only married couple, and luke is actually the only man. we explored the possibility of moving into three different community houses, and this was the house that luke and i both felt the most comfortable in. we all have different backgrounds, but we all care about this city, the marginalized and we all love Jesus. oh, and we have a cat.

why: while most married couples our age are thinking about or have already bought their own home, luke and i decided that it was time to go for a little bit less privacy and move in with others in an attempt to learn about living in christian community. we are doing this partly to prepare for our service abroad, and also because we feel like this is something that God is really calling us to. we have read several books, and seen intentional community acted out in many different ways, and believe that the most effective way to serve is within the support of a christian community.

what: and so here we find ourselves. within a crazy community, learning about what it looks like to love others 24-7 as well as love a community that has a lot to offer, but is definitely under-served and discriminated against. we sometimes share meals (soon we will share a meal together at least once a week, now it's a little bit more haphazard), we almost always have crazy conversations (ranging from serious questions--what can we DO about poverty, to silliness--how will we keep our cups from getting mixed up? random koozies from ebay!), and we share our interests (yesterday i went running in the park with a housemate and then we did yoga in the garage...). pretty much we learn how to love Jesus and others better.

practically: i'm learning the beauty of serving a community OUT of a community, rather than trying to go about it individually. i've already seen an amazing example of this when last tuesday i had a rough day which really left me questioning what i do and why i care. i came home and was able to have a good, solid conversation with a housemate, and then i sat down for dinner and that was the end of it. i finished the night feeling so much better than i had--and while luke was good to talk to, when there are 6 other people to focus on rather than one, it's so much easier to get out of your own head.

so, with that being said, i wanted to show you around our house a bit. so here it goes:

this is our street. it's pretty and fairly peaceful. it's actually a lot quieter than our old apartment because it is not right next to a fire department...

this is our house. it's three stories with 6 bedrooms. it's pretty amazing.

this is what you see when you talk in the front door. one living space is on the right, with the dining room behind. directly back the hall is the kitchen and to the left are the stairs.

this is the upstairs landing (as seen from our bedroom). two bedrooms right across the hall, one to the left of ours, and one behind the two bedrooms (i know, weird set-up). there is one bathroom to the right of our room as well.

this is the view of our room from the landing. i really love all of the windows in our room.

to the left after you walk into our room is a little half-bath. everyone shares it, but luke and i get most of the use out of it when we're home. there's a little tribute to unc on the right wall. =)

on our left wall there is a window, and we also hung an upside down map that we got from ten thousand villages. the map is to help us view the world differently, and reminds us that the "global north" isn't necessarily on top. we hung the cross over the map to remind us of Jesus' upside-down kingdom.

when you face the hall, our bed is in a little cut-out with our wedding pictures of us, family and friends hanging above.

on the opposite wall is our (new) dresser. mom t. and i went to IKEA to do some shopping the weekend we moved =)

again, facing the hall.

this is the front door, as you are coming down the stairs.

here's a little tour of the main floor:

living space as you see it if you look into it from the front door.

living space as you see it if you view it from the dining room.

dining room. to the left is the kitchen.

dining room, ahead is the upstairs living space.

from the kitchen facing the hall (with the lovely housemate, carrie), the door leads to the basement.

from the hall facing the back door.

going down into the basement.

the second living space/tv room.

and another kitchen/bathroom.

oh, and finally, the little kitty. she makes a very valid point. and looks thrilled about it =)

so that's our house! thanks for coming along for the tour! maybe i'll post more in may than in april. oh, look at that...mission accomplished...

wandering angels

2011-03-25T20:22:00.003-04:00

when i walked into his hospital room in the psychiatric ward i felt a wave of relief--and as he turned around a huge smile spread across his face, and joy filled my heart as he exclaimed in his soft spanish accent "ee-lees-a-bet! i was so worried about you!" i wanted to hug him. but all i could do was smile my biggest smile and exclaim "i'm SO glad we found you!"

i have been working with this soft-spoken veteran since my first day at my new job, until he disappeared earlier this week. we've been looking for him since monday, and finally yesterday my co-worker and i called the hospitals in a last ditch attempt to make contact with him to let him know that his housing application got approved and he can move into his new apartment. they told us at one of the local hospitals that someone with the general description of our client and the same name was admitted over the weekend, but he was 10 years younger. i went to check on him today, but after my morning--which was filled with a client (and his mom--for real) yelling at me, another client deciding to strip down and run around a park, and a woman who was convinced i missed our appointment (that i had no idea we had made) i was 100% sure that this would turn out badly as well.

but it didn't, and when our dear gentleman gave me his grin, i knew why i had been so excited about this job.

these past three weeks i have probably experienced the best and the worst that street outreach has to offer. but such love fills my heart for every one of these people that i can't imagine doing anything else. and even on the rough days a client will say something brilliant or hilarious that will brighten my day. as i sit and listen i realize that these men and women who have been disregarded, ignored or pushed to the streets by various illnesses, stigmas or people have so much to offer if i will just sit down and take the time to listen.

and today as A smiled up at me from his hospital bed the only thing i could think of was this verse in hebrews, and how today A was such an angel to me.

keep on loving one another as brothers and sisters. do not forget to show hospitality to strangers, for by so doing some people have shown hospitality to angels without knowing it. continue to remember those in prison as if you were together with them in prison, and those who are mistreated as if you yourselves were suffering.
(hebrews 13:1-3)

and even though today was really, really hard, that smile reminded me that i am the luckiest person on this whole earth. because i get to sit in the company of angels that so many people disregard.

february.

2011-02-27T19:25:00.022-05:00

what? the last day of february is tomorrow? and i haven't posted at all in february? woah.

february was a whirlwind. it was peppered with celebration, disappointment, fasting and illness. these things combined to make an already short month fly by. so, here it is in pictures:

february started out, as it does every year, with my birthday. i turned 25, and celebrated with my husband, chipotle and an ice cream cake. it was lovely.

week two of february i was having a rough time, so i decided to fast from food and media for the week. during the week i studied lamentations and first john, and read practicing the presence of God by brother lawrence and sensing God by roger ferlo. i'm not really sure what i was hoping to achieve. prior to the week i had been feeling quite jumbled, agitated and distracted. i wanted to gain focus and so i tried to reach this goal by removing all barriers that i place between me and God. by the end of the week i was just tired and hungry. while i was able to focus more on praying, i had not been able to focus on listening. i was frustrated. so on sunday morning luke and i took a retreat of silence. during which i had an incredible moment of clarity, in which i realized that while i am unsure of where i am or what God has in store for me, i realized that He is doing something. the result of which was this collage (click to make bigger):

i think i realized that even though luke and i are wanting to go abroad at some point, right now God has us here. and while we are here, we need to be living. we need to be here, proclaiming hope, justice and love. so that is what we decided to do. we decided to move into an intentional community in SE DC, get more involved in our church, and i decided to get involved in the intervarsity project here called dc urban plunge. God also brought into my life a wonderful university of maryland student who i'm going to start meeting with once a week for discipleship.

week three of february was my mom's birthday, and so i traveled to north carolina to surprise her for her weekend celebration. on the way down to durham, megabus stops in richmond, so i hopped out with buke and took some pictures of downtown richmond, which (in my opinion) is great for photographing.

the surprise was a success! my mom had no idea i was coming (especially since i called her from the bus to throw her off) and we had a good weekend. except i got sick. which, while it made the weekend a little bit pitiful, did not ruin it completely, but rather (i thought) helped us slow down and just enjoy each others' company. and i was still able to accompany my mom and sisters on my mom's birthday shopping trip. while i was in nc celebrating my mom's birthday, luke flew to louisville and picked up a car from luke's grandma. she was nice enough to give us her car, since she is no longer using it. luke swung by nc and picked me up, and now we have a car for the first time in over a year. and, while we know we don't need it and don't plan on using it as much as we used otto, it sure is nice to go to the grocery store without lugging all our groceries on the bus!

while in nc i got a new jacket with an old navy gift certificate from my sisters! for which this week has provided the perfect weather.

this weekend, luke--aka my little blind mole (face pictured directly below)--got lasik eye surgery.

(blind baby mole face)

(during the surgery)

(successful surgery!)

(and now for the next two weeks he has to wear these weird goggle eye-protector things while he sleeps, but he's no longer a blind baby mole)

this weekend we also found out that the house we were planning on moving into is being sold. while we will still be joining the group of people who live there, it will be in a different house, and the time is now uncertain. i've also had a couple of other upsets this week, which have all left me feeling very unsettled and frustrated. because i feel like luke and i have really been seeking to follow God--but we're just uncertain now. i'm really learning how to hold plans lightly, allow God to work and follow Him into uncertainty. today i spent a long time debating with God, telling Him my frustrations, fears and just complaining to Him. while i know that this season can only last for a short while, i've always found it helpful to give myself at least a morning to hash it all out with God--positive or negative. today's session produced this collage:

which is completely different than my collage at the beginning of the month. this one is not as positive, and poses a question to me: do i really believe that better is one day in the courts of my Lord than a thousand elsewhere? herein lies the question that i am seeking to answer right now. and until i answer this question affirmatively, i think i will be stuck in uncertainty. but i do know that when i finally have the courage to face this question and truthfully answer that yes, i do believe that, things will fall in place in my heart (even if they literally stay the same as they are now).

this afternoon luke and i (and my adventure pants!) explored rock creek park a little bit more:

we climbed.

we balanced.

and jumped.

we adventured.

we smiled.

and i practiced taking artsy pictures.

speaking of, here is a technique of the week. shutter speed and water:
changing the shutter speed when taking pictures of water can give the water more of a flowing feeling. here is what it looks like at a normal shutter speed:

(shutter speed 1/80--meaning the shutter is open for 1/80th of a second, and f/7.1)

here is the same pictures with a slower shutter speed:
(shutter speed .8--meaning shutter stays open for .8 seconds, and f/29)

this is a different spot, but my favorite picture:
(shutter speed .6, f/29)

pretty cool, huh?

we also used our new found car freedom to venture into maryland to a bojangles. YUM!

i'm really lucky (lukey?) to have luke. i know i say this a lot, but it's because it's so true. he knows me really well, and i like that we can adventure together while having serious discussions about struggling with God, and what life is supposed to look like. he can speak to me with great wisdom and insight on a level that shows me that he understands and cares what's going on. God really blessed me with him. He knew what i would need, and He gave me luke to be a fellow adventurer, listener and partner (in crime and otherwise).

so there you have it. february in one past with a little bit of everything--pictures, God stuff, and technique of the week. and here's a little bit of onion humor to wrap it up:

Pants Attempt To Convey What Owner Can't

happy (almost) march everyone!

quiet with love

2011-01-15T13:15:00.008-05:00

i like the prophets. i like the way they speak truth--which can make you feel incredibly uneasy, but can also be extremely comforting. the prophets speak of both the justice oriented God and the mercy oriented God. they speak of how perfect mercy and perfect justice abide in one perfect Being, and speak of how this Being will be incarnated into an Emmanuel in the future. i like how you can see the ways that these prophecies play out and still remain relevant today. the prophets are my favorite.

so, naturally, when choosing my first verse to memorize i went to the prophets. throughout advent i read the old testament prophets, and one verse in zephaniah really stood out to me. above all of the other verses of comfort, this one really spoke to me. and it has become my prayer for this year thus far. for me, and for the others in my life, especially, for some reason, women. maybe it's because the section starts out addressing the daughters of Zion. but as i memorized this verse i found myself praying it for my moms and my sisters and my brother-in-law's girlfriend. and then for other women in my life. and i wanted to share this verse with you:

the LORD your God is with you, He is mighty to save. He will take great delight in you, He will quiet you with His love, He will rejoice over you with singing.
-zephaniah 3:17

i'm not exactly sure why i found this verse so comforting. maybe it's the thought of God taking, not only delight, but great delight in me. maybe it's because the thought of someone singing over me is an interesting thought--conjuring up both the image of a parent singing over their newborn, and the goofy times luke will randomly burst into a made-up song about how he loves me. but the section i found myself contemplating most was the thought of God quieting me with His love. and i meditated on this for most of my run yesterday.

what would it look like for me to be quieted by God's love? i came up with two main thoughts:

first, if i was quieted by God's love, i think the voices in my head that make me over-analyze all of my actions would no longer be. if i am fully confident of God's love for me, i do not go over everything i do to make sure it was right; if an interaction makes me uneasy i think about it once, apologize if i need to and move along, confident that God loves me even though i mess up. while being quieted by God's love in this sense does not mean i do not want to improve, it means that i trust that as long as i am following Him, He is going to teach me how because He loves me.

secondly, being quieted by God's love will mean that i don't gossip any more. gossip is so much fun, isn't it? thinking about how someone else really messed up in a way that is hard for them to fix (if they even realize it or want to fix). it's looking at someone else and saying "they did what?!" and feeling at least a little bit superior because i would never do that or say that or make that mistake. and that makes me better than them. but, really, the root of all my gossip or desire to do so stems out of some form of jealousy. i wish i was more like that person in a certain way, and therefore must elevate myself above them in another way in order to feel justified. if i am quieted by God's love and know that He delights in me i can take full confidence in that, and it negates my need to make myself better than others, because i am fully satisfied that God loves me the way that i am. i am also, therefore, free to more fully love others. especially the ones that i want to gossip about. because God fully loves them the way they are, too.

so that is my prayer for myself and for the people in my life. especially the women (whether or not that is right). that we would be able to have full confidence in the fact that God loves us. and that the fact that God loves us would be enough to quiet our minds and our mouths and more fully love others.

transition, waiting and a few resolutions

2011-01-12T16:30:00.005-05:00

i like airports. i think it's the state of transition that they put me in. i noticed this while we were coming back from colorado. i felt comfortable there. i did not really want to leave once i got there. maybe it's because recently i have not felt like i belong most places. i feel stuck in transition. and so that is where i long to be--literally in transition. i have overwhelming desires to go somewhere. not anywhere specific...just somewhere. i would like to get into a car and just go. unaware--and actually kind of afraid of--a final destination. this is who i am right now.

i was trying to figure out a way to start this blog post--the first real post of 2011--without sounding so depressing. for example, i am eating string cheese and i like it a lot. so a possible beginning would be "i like string cheese". but let's be honest here. lay it all out on the table. i sound depressed because i am. clinically. well, probably. i have a doctor's appointment tomorrow.

i shudder a bit--seeing how easy it was to just put that out there (okay, so it wasn't that easy. i posted it, took it down, posted it again, took it down and had luke read it before i posted it again...). especially because if i were to tell you that face-to-face it would be a lot harder. and so maybe i shouldn't have put it down. but, if you were to ask me face-to-face about it, i would tell you. and talk to you honestly about it. so, why not.

so now, you may ask, if you're being so honest, why is your blog title still "with joy". good question. i thought about changing it. i have this awesome picture i took of a cool mirror while we were in colorado. since it was of a mirror, i, of course am in the picture. i thought about making that my header and naming this blog "reflections". but instead, i continued on with the current theme "with joy". and i think it's because even though i'm not feeling a whole lot of joy right now, i'm learning a whole lot about joy. and there is still a longing in me for the promise of isaiah to be fulfilled when he says that we will go out with joy. and i think as long as i have that longing, there is hope for me yet.

so, back to transition. even though i am comfortable in transition i am bad at waiting. while at first that may seem like an oxymoron, when i think about it further, it is not. waiting means being still. transition means going forward (or backward, but going). while i'm sitting here in my apartment i am waiting. when i am on the bus i am in transition. while sometimes transition involves waiting, and usually waiting involves some kind of transition, the two are not interchangeable. i spend my time waiting wondering what God is doing. why He is not using the talents that He gave me to do something bigger or better. trying to figure it out--like God is playing some kind of game with me. and if i think about it hard enough i will figure it out and win. and then God will do something good for me.

what i neglect to realize is that sometimes God just wants us to wait. and sometimes we may not know why. i've been reading acts in january, and today i was reading about paul (who is kind of growing on me as i read stories about him...) and about his mishap in jerusalem, getting arrested, the pharisees and sadduces wanting to kill him, so he is sent to caesarea where he appears in front of felix. paul is able to give his testimony, but there is not word about where felix had a grand conversion, or if he even recognized Jesus as his Savior and changed his ways. no, all it says is that paul was in prison for two years and felix left him there. now, i haven't finished the story yet, i don't know if some great miracle explains why he had to be there for two years. my guess is...well, i don't have one. the thing is, paul could have probably been using his talents in a much grander way. but for some reason God wanted him to be in that prison. otherwise He would have broken him out with an angel, or an earthquake. it had been done before. but paul waited in prison for (at least) two years. sometimes God wants us to wait.

and so, that brings me to my 2011 new year's resolutions/goals whatever you would like to call them. i know, it's one third of the way through january, but here they are:

embrace the moments of waiting and stillness and quiet. to not fill up all of my time with noise, music, netflix, hulu, you name it. to let myself have full days without turning on something that makes noise. and to rest in it.
keep the internet off until i have had real intentional time with God.
memorize (at least) one Bible verse a week.
be intentional in the way i spend my time--specifically limiting the time i spend wandering the internet mindlessly.
go easier on myself--learn my boundaries and stick to them, to not assess and reassess every little thing i do (that is so self-absorbed!)
read (at least) one book a month
don't compare myself to others (as one of my favorite writings says "there will always be greater and lesser persons than yourself")
submit (at least) one photo to a photobuyer
remember birthdays and celebrate them in some way (card, email, phone call--facebook does not count this year)
use my calendar to better keep track of everything (stemming from the above resolution...)
listen to my body, heart and mind more. and be okay with what they are saying.
regularly donate blood again.
blog (at least) once a week
start to learn hindi
cook at least one vegetarian meal a week. and experiment with spices.
tell the truth--not that i habitually lie BIG lies now--but you know, being honest. not saying "your hair looks cute" when really, it doesn't. and not saying "i don't care" when really i do.

i tried to make my goals attainable this year. they aren't too big, but they are all things that i would like to or need to do. they don't include things like "lose weight" because, honestly, i say that every year and every year i fail. instead, i want to become a more whole person. i don't know if that is a measurable goal. but here we go.

happy 2011 everyone.

blogging.

2011-01-11T20:01:00.001-05:00

one day i will really start to blog for real again.

right now the words aren't coming.

so i will just sit here and listen to ingrid michaelson.

100 joys--finishing up

2011-01-03T20:15:00.004-05:00

at long last, here is the end of my 100 joys project. only a couple days late...

(94) bass pro shops. i get pretty excited every time we get to go here.

(95) car trips. and being almost home. we took this while we were slowing down/stopping in a traffic jam.

(96) date night with this handsome man. especially to delicious bbq places.

(97) fun bumper stickers. they were all over the place at urban bbq. the ones about mean and kind people are three of my faves.

(98) kind words. luke and i have been trying to decide how to celebrate our holidays and bring meaning to them without spending a lot of money. this year we tried making christmas cards and setting aside a small amount of money for a dinner out, dressed up. we had a good time. and home-made cards are much better than bought, i've decided (and cheaper, too!). (sorry for the upside down picture...)

(99) visitors! and exploring places with them. my parents and two of my sisters came up at the end of the week for a quick visit. we explored alexandria and mount vernon. we had a good time.

(100) celebration. it's something that i need to do more of. depression is hard. it hurts, and a lot of times it makes me feel pretty worthless. but i need to rejoice in and celebrate small things. getting up early enough to have a quality quiet time and still make the bus. gathering up enough energy to go for a run. or just sharing a hot chocolate with my sisters in order to celebrate a birthday.
the shocking thing for me to realize was that this wasn't that hard. i thought that at some point i would lose steam. i would grow weary of taking pictures of things that made me happy. or i would just get overwhelmed and stop. but i didn't. and that in itself is something to celebrate.

happy new year, everyone. may 2011 bring lots of joy and celebration!

(this is the final post in my 100 joys project. to see my other posts, click here. to see where it all began, click here.)

100 joys--mountain edition

2011-01-02T18:36:00.007-05:00

we spent the second half of christmas day and the rest of our nc vacation in the mountains and got snowed in for a lovely extra day. here are my joys from our time in the mountains.

(83) mountain snow. and getting a lot of it.

(84) having a brother. and a husband who are goofy together and make me laugh.

(85) my mother-in-law. and taking picture hikes with her. i'm glad we have photography in common. (and her red hat was awfully fun to photograph in a world that was mostly gray (or shades of it)

(86) sledding. and sledding trains that inevitably end in crashes and fits of giggles.

(87) Cayli. i really enjoy spending time with this woman.

(88) snowy beards. i think that they are funny and four of the men had them at some point during our sledding escapades. clearly evidence of a good time.

(89) twinkle lights in the snow. i spent a long time just staring at them. they are peaceful.

(90) quiet times while looking out over the mountains in christmas pajamas. i don't really think any explanation needs to be given (except that there is a beautiful view from this window that you cannot see in this picture.)

(91) a clearing storm. the snow stopped on monday morning, and as much as i really enjoy snow, i also really enjoy seeing blue sky.

(92) being protected. i got into a sledding accident while in nc. i wasn't going to include this as a joy because it wasn't really a joy. it hurt. however, the damage was incredibly minimal compared to what it would have been. i came out of the ordeal with just a beat up face, a sore jaw, and a chipped back molar. nothing broken, and the dental work was minimal. when i realized this, i realized that it is a joy. plus, i earned the title "cool" from my brother-in-law and husband.

(93) taking pictures in the snow. and the way that everything looks prettier and brighter in the snow. the blues bluer. the greens greener. and roads look like enchanted pathways.

that's all for the mountain edition. tomorrow i'll finish up! on another note, does anyone else find it hard to stop listening to christmas music after december 25th? i'm still listening to my pandora acoustic mix...

100 joys--piedmont edition

2011-01-01T16:12:00.009-05:00

it's been a pretty relaxing day, thus far. we've taken our time, and gotten a lot done. now we're laying on the bed, listening to wait, wait don't tell me. while we're here, maybe i'll knock out a second 100 joys post for the day. these joys come from the time spent with my family (and in the piedmont area) over christmas.

(72) my family's little puppy teddy. he's cute and snuggly and he makes me happy (even just thinking about him).

(73) my mom's christmas decorations. always beautiful, and they look like a perfect picture out of a magazine, but cozy all at the same time.

(74) tanglewood festival of lights. usually luke and i do this over thanksgiving, but instead, this year, i went with my mom, dad, jenny and kyle. i look forward to this every year. making it even better, we got chick-fil-a on the way.

(75) old friends. and white elephant gifts that are cheap-to-free. and taking silly pictures.

(76) peaceful moments. with hilarious things in the background. i crack up every time i see this photo. my husband is weird. funny, but weird.

(77) big smiles. and sisters who cheese for photos (this is a very rare moment...)

(78) my family. and sitting around the table with them for christmas dinner. not everyone was super excited about getting their picture taken, but all of them agreed to smile into the light for a second...and i think the picture turned out pretty well.

(79) my dad. for many reasons, one of them being how he claims he doesn't love teddy as much as the rest of us, but how you know he does because teddy follows him around (i'm sure it had nothing to do with the big plate of ham my dad is carrying...)

(80) the candlelight christmas eve service. it is so joyful and peaceful and wonderful.

(81) christmas eve (in general). and taking a picture of my family that everyone likes. we had a wonderful and relaxing christmas eve. which included the above service, opening our "sister presents" (we all pick a sister and buy/get one gift) and watching muppet christmas carol. christmas eve was a joy.

(82) finding a gift that brings a smile or a laugh. my sisters and i get really excited about shopping for each other and finding good gifts. this year was a success. this is christie reading elephant, elephant and jenny laughing. i know that i have a lot of pictures of jenny and christie and not katie. i do have three wonderful sisters, though. katie is just better at avoiding the camera...

that's it for the piedmont edition. mountain edition to come. maybe today maybe tomorrow...

100 joys

2011-01-01T10:05:00.012-05:00

happy new year! i have a lot of thoughts on 2010 and 2011, but today, i think luke and i are just going to spend a quiet day at home...not much thinking required. so no writing, but in the mean time, here are some more of my 100 joys. i failed just a bit at getting them posted before the new year, but i did finish 100 joys during the month of december. so here is the next batch.

(59) creativity. as shown in this tiny snowman outside of starbucks, using coffee beans, a lid and two stirrers. it was cute.
(60) the botanic gardens. always, but for now it also includes the christmas display within. we went with some friends to see the displays of trains and buildings made (almost) entirely out of natural materials from plants. there were a lot of different buildings (taj mahal, pyramids, great wall) and all of the dc monuments. like this little lincoln, whose head was made out of an acorn.
(61) the proposal we saw take place next to the capitol christmas tree. and then deciding that every couple we saw thereafter was about to (or should be about to) get engaged as well. (sorry for the blurry picture. 63 is blurry, too--that's what i get for trying to take a picture while walking...).

(62) the capitol christmas tree. it's beautiful. and does not look like a pickle, unlike the white house christmas tree.

(63) new friends. and hanging out with them and talking about lots of things.

(64) sharing one of my favorite (or maybe my favorite) movie with new friends. and the fact that rachel made the decision right off the bat. i do not make decisions. and a appreciate people who do.
(65) babies. especially the cute ones in our church (dressed as stars, here, for the christmas pageant).

(66) our church. and all the crazy things that go along with being part of a small-ish international church. like lunch every week after the service, and random music presentations by filipino high school choirs.

(67) exploring parts of dc with friends and kids. we went to the bascilica to see if they had any christmas decorations inside (they don't really) and invited people from our small group to come. rachel and jane came, and jane enjoyed dancing around while looking up at all the mosaics and hearing her shoes on the floor. she's cute.
(68) capturing moments. like this one, where jane is trying to look at the picture rachel just took of her. i really like this picture.

(69) (you really can't tell what this is, but we're) watching white christmas with bing crosby and danny kaye and rosemary clooney and vera ellen. these are long time christmas friends. it was especially enjoyable watching it with jordan and valerie.

(70) neat old buildings. espcially when they are by train tracks. our brief 30 minutes stop in richmond on megabus and the pretty buildings i saw briefly made me want to move there.

(71) the "have a nice day cafe". i didn't go in there, but knowing that there is a place with that name makes me happy.
that's all for now. happy first day of 2011, everyone!

100 joys

2010-12-29T13:53:00.009-05:00

settle in, friends. these next few days are going to be full of 100 joys posts. i hope you're feeling joy yourself. in fact, if you have been feeling joyful over anything i would really enjoy hearing about it! feel free to comment or shoot me an email!

(43) i've mentioned running in the snow (#27). running in the rain does NOT make the top 100 joys, but running in a "jingle all the way 10k" does. there were crazy people dressed up as everything from santa to milk and cookies, and everyone ran with jungle bells on their shoes. i did not get jingle bells at first (who runs out of jingle bells for a jingle bell run?!) but i found some at the very beginning of the race. plus i finished fast. so those things negated the rain and made the morning pretty joyous.

(44) luke might make up about half of my joys. but it's well deserved. this wonderful man got up with me and made it to the bus with me by 6:00 am in order to ride down and stand in the rain for an hour in order to cheer me on. he's wonderful (have i mentioned? i'm sure i have...and i will again...)

(45) snowflake lights and blue sky in the windows of a local shopping center. they looked so festive. and i just watched them the whole way down the escalator.

(46) baking christmas cookies. and eating them, of course.

(47) merry christmas, charlie brown! and these two little dancing characters, whose dancing looks eerily akin to luke and my dancing.

(48) a clean kitchen. especially when luke cleans it because i have fallen asleep. (wonderful husband, again).
(49) when the sky looks like a tomie depaola painting. (the legend of the indian paintbrush, anyone?).

(50) friendly people. like the guy in the redskins jacket, who told me that the sky was really pretty when he saw me taking a picture, and then talked to more people on the way down the lane. (halfway there!)

(51) division avenue is usually not my favorite first helping stop. but it is in the snow, when one of the regulars stands by the table the entire time we're there and serenades us with "white christmas". (you can't really see the snow outside the window, but it's there, with a picture of the street sign).

(52) Christmas decorations in pg plaza. and the fact that they have an african american santa claus.

(53) holly and ivy in the snow.

(54) the stillness of snow. not quite captured in this picture, but i tried.

(55) little messages written on car windows.

(56) dads walking with little girls through the snow. espcially when the little girls are dressed alike and remind me of my sisters.

(57) walks in the snow and conversations with my husband. i like it when he tells me things that he's thinking about. i thought about apologizing for being so cheesy in this blog about him. but, honestly, there is nothing to apologize for. he IS wonderful. and i like to tell people that...

(58) evidence of a good time. when we left our apartment there were little kids frolicking in the snow. when we got back there were sledding marks and snowballs stuck to doors and windows. it was cute.

so that's all for now. i thought about continuing, but maybe later.

100 joys

2010-12-29T00:04:00.012-05:00

it is much later than i was anticipating doing this quick blog. just because i have not kept up in posting my 100 joys, it does not mean i have not been keeping track. so after an eventful christmas trip home, complete with family, doggies, snow, sledding and my face coming into direct contact with a tree during said sledding, i'm back. my goal is to do at least 10 each day this week, and hopefully, then be caught up/finished by january 1. so, here's 30-40!

(30) hot chocolate and peanut butter toast the morning of the first snow (which happened a long time ago). my mom used to always make this for us throughout the winter, and i celebrated dc's first snow with my own hot chocolate and peanut butter toast.

(31) boots in the snow. i really like these boots. and i like the way they look walking through the snow.
(32) colors found naturally in nature. and how when my little point and shoot automatic settings kicked in, they identified these colors as the sunset.

(33) peppermint mocha creamer in hot chocolate in my teal mug and drunk on a cold morning on my way to the bus. i think that's self explanatory.

(34) bright yellow. especially when the rest of the world seems to be the same color.

(35) sunrises. even though seeing the sunrise on the way to the metro means that i'm running pretty late, i still enjoy seeing the sky light up in those bright colors.

(36) junior. while i mentioned buke earlier and how her (still haven't decided gender--trying out both him and her for now...) little click-click brings me joy, i would be remiss if i didn't mention junior, who has brought us most of these 100 joy pictures. i don't really know if his name is junior, but it's kind of fitting...

(37) my husband dancing. he really does the most random and enjoyable things. he brings me lots of laughter and joy. especially on hard days. i love him.

(38) playing with shutter speeds on buke. luke and i were meeting some friends and they were a bit late, so we spent (at least) 15 minutes putting the shutter speed from anywhere to 5 seconds to 30 seconds and capturing traffic. this was the coolest picture of the night, with a shutter speed of 2 seconds.

(39) zoolights. luke and i have been trying to go to this cheesy light display at the national zoo for two years and we have failed. and this year IT WAS FREE! is there anything better than cheesy, free Christmas lights in the zoo?
(40) thanks for asking. yes there is...seeing it with good friends. we walked, talked, laughed, drank hot coco and ate kettle corn. it was delightful.
and while i'm at it, i'll finish off the zoolights joys...

(41) petting zoos. they make me happy. i like petting animals and seeing little kids pet animals. even if the animals are kind of lame...like cows and goats. you can tell it's a city zoo, not a rural one...

(42) random displays. like this panda that was dancing in a snow globe? the kids loved it though, and would press their faces up to the plastic and wave. what made this random display even better (worse?) was that we watched the panda struggle to get INTO the snow globe. around with about 10 kids, who all screamed in horror when the panda mascot's head FELL OFF. it was one of those moments when all the adults were laughing guiltily (word?) while they tried to comfort all of their kids who were horrified. luckily our group of four doesn't have kids. so we just laughed (and tried to stifle them to avoid glares from parents...)

(this is part of the 100 joys project. too see my other posts click here. to see where it all got started and to see others' projects, click here:
)

Merry Christmas!

2010-12-24T20:57:00.003-05:00

Merry Christmas and Happy New Year everyone!
May this season fill you with wonder at the incarnation of our Lord!

100 joys

2010-12-11T10:36:00.007-05:00

hello friends. it's time again for another 100 joys post. i know i said that it would be on fridays, but yesterday got away from me, so here we are this morning. but with lots of joys from the week.

___________________________________

(11) metrobus. metrobus does not always give me joy. in fact, most of the time it makes me feel stressed out and under pressure to make it to the bus on time in order to save x amount on transportation for the month. however, on wednesday, metrobus gave me joy. first of all, i left on time in the morning, which meant i wasn't running to make sure i caught the bus. secondly, the first bus pulled up and it was PACKED, but another completely empty bus pulled up right behind it (and ended up passing the packed bus) a seat and getting to dcck a little early--what more could you ask for? lastly, on our way to small group in the freezing cold weather, a bus (that we hardly ever see) was actually at the bus stop to take us the mile to small group from the metro so we didn't have to walk. so, on wednesday, metrobus was the hero. way to go, metrobus.

(12) our nativity advent calendar. last year we got this advent calendar that creates the nativity by adding one shepherd/animal/angel/wiseman every day from december 1 until baby Jesus arrives on the 25th. every day luke will giggle (or chuckle, if that is more "manly" but really it's giggle) as he puts a shepherd/animal/angel/wiseman in the manger. this week, mary had a cow. our kids are going to be weird (but oh, so entertaining, and probably a little bit cute, too).

(13) the park. i like walking home from the metro because we walk through this park and it makes me feel like i'm on the prairie or something. this week, though, was the first REALLY cold week, and the wind can whip right through your clothes to your bones (just like on the prairie?).

(14) the view from our bedroom window. i was also struck (again) this week by how much i really like looking out our bedroom window. this picture doesn't capture it at all (because of the funky stuff going on with the light/camera lens/window), but you can see houses and steeples and radio towers and schools for a long way. but none of them are high enough to block the sky. it's quite striking, especially when the sun hits the roofs in the right way.

(15) talking to my sisters. this week i finally caught up with my sister katie. twice! i really love them and miss them a lot, so the times i get to talk to them bring me much joy.

(16) light. especially of the christmas nature. but just in general. i really love how Christ is referred to as the "Light of the World" and i have been thinking of that reference a lot lately. we also sing this song during common prayer called "walk in the light" and i really enjoy singing that, as well.

(17) trees covered in christmas lights. like these ones near the friendship heights metro station. i think they are really cool looking in a pretty, but tacky sort of way. and i like it.

(18) colorful winter hats. especially this guy's hat, which was incredibly colorful on a metro filled with business people in blacks and grays. the best part was that he was dressed entirely in black business as well. except for the hat.

(19) the judiciary square station manager box. i may be cheating a little bit here, because i think thus far (at least) 3 of my total 29 joys of december have been christmas lights. but i told you that christmas lights always bring me joy when i see them. they are so festive, and again, i like light and they tend to remind me that Jesus is light. so, cheating or not, i will probably have christmas lights as several of my 100 joys.

(20) little kids all bundled up. especially these little boys, who sometimes come get breakfast from us at first helping. they are the most adorable, polite and sweet little boys i have ever met. and they bring joy to my heart whenever i see them.

(21) ms. d.e. i can't post her name or her face (hence the blurred out part) because i didn't get permission. but ms. d.e. has reached out to me in ways i can't describe during my time with first helping, and every time i see her she makes me smile. (it was really cold the day we took this picture...and it's just the beginning. it might be a long winter for the first helping team this year...)

(22) volunteers. i really like being a permanent volunteer at dc central kitchen because it means i get to meet other volunteers. and we get some really amazing volunteers. like these two ladies who regularly came this semester and who had to leave us last week. this was their farewell lunch.

(23) international justice mission (and meeting gary haugen). a couple from our church sponsored luke and i to go to the ijm benefit dinner on thursday night. apparently some people from our church are super connected because we actually sat at the table with founder and president gary haugen. international justice mission is an organization that works around the world to get people out of human trafficking, provide them with case management services, and work with local officials to make sure that laws are in place and are being enforced. and it's working! a recent outside study in cebu, philippines showed that ijm has helped reduce the number of trafficked girls in cebu by 79%. and they were voted the #1 organization making a difference in the world by us news and world report. it brings me great joy to see christians take the Bible literally and take up the cause of the oppressed, and make a difference that the world notices. i think it would be cool to work with them.

(24) dressing up. another good thing about going to the dinner on thursday was having a reason to dress up. i really enjoy dressing up, especially in the winter. i like bundling up, in general, but donning a brightly colored dress coat really makes me happy (i don't really know why...).

(25) our God of justice and mercy. reading the old testament prophets and about Jesus' life this advent, thus far, has been really good for me in reminding me what advent is all about. verses like micah 6:8 bring me a lot of joy because i have no idea what it looks like to act justly and love mercy, and in our world this actually seems to be an oxymoron. but, the key is that God does both perfectly, and so if we walk humbly with Him, He will show us how. oh micah, your verses on hope, light, justice and mercy will never cease to amaze me.

(26) snow! friday we had our first snow. and it was sparse, and it was just flurries, but it was fantastic. snow will always bring me joy. even when we have a bijillion feet of it and we're getting more (like last year! bring on the snowmageddon!) i tried to take a picture outside, but the snow was too fine, so it looked better from a distance.

(27) running in the snow. i was running when the snow started, and it really brought me joy to run in the snow. especially when i ran by a school where a bunch of kids (maybe 1st graders?) were coming out for recess and a big cheer went up through the crowd. one little girl ran and jumped up on a platform and started spinning, face to the sky, arms outstretched. another group of maybe 6 kids ran to the yard and started jumping up and down, cheering with mouths wide open trying to catch the flakes. unfortunately i did not have my camera with me to capture the moments, but i think if i did i might have ended up in jail. however, i think getting to experience joy through children a blessing. you can't really see the flakes on my running tights, so i drew arrows to them. you can't really see the arrows either, unless you click on the picture to enlarge it.

(28) taking off my shoes. however much i enjoy running, i also enjoy finishing a run, coming home, kicking off my shoes and stretching. it helps me re-center and relax. i also really, really like my running shoes. so, even if it's cheating, running will be the center of two of my joys this week. because it does bring me joy.

(29) downloading pictures. i was not going to post about my new computer. and i still feel like i'm not really. however, when i plugged my camera into this computer for the first time, and it actually downloaded my pictures instead of draining the camera battery and freezing, i got pretty darn excited.

_________________________________

so there you have it. i find it interesting how looking for joys has helped me thus far. i feel like i have better days when i am looking for joy rather than ignoring the small things that bring me joy and focusing on the things that make me sad or depressed. and i've only gotten through 29, and only on the 11th day of december! though, i have noticed that many of my joys are things revolving around christmas. i may need to do this project again in january or february, when there are not so many christmas lights, events, etc. for now, though, it is helping. a joyful heart is good medicine. who knew?

100 joys

2010-12-07T21:55:00.037-05:00

a friend posted this on facebook today, and i happen to think that it's a good idea. lately i've been struggling to find joy. then i feel guilty for not feeling joy. then it's just a vicious cycle. so, finding 100 things to feel joyful about will hopefully help me refocus during this advent season. sarah markley is taking pictures for all of her 100. i'm going to start off by doing that, too, but i was noticing today that some things may not be able to be captured in pictures, so i'm not going to hold myself to that. so, here are my first 10 things. it was a good day today, not all days are good. i think that challenge to myself will be to find at least 5 things on the days that i'm not feeling so great. i'm not planning on posting every day. i'll probably post every friday. anyways, here they are:

1. my husband. who constantly cares for me and does sweet things like give me foot massages and cooks dinner for me when i have bad days. and he's handsome. and he holds my hand while we're walking. do i need to get more corny, or can i just say that he brings me joy?
(and he was left alone with my computer while this blog was open while i was talking to a friend, so if something weird is said, it was probably him being "funny". just a warning).
2. Common Prayer. a book recently released by the new monastic movement (shane claiborne, jonathan wilson-hartgrove and enuma okoro). it has different liturgies and songs in it. luke and i have been doing a morning one together every morning and an evening one every evening since we got it (ahem, on sunday, at the book release party, where i won a copy!). and we join with some others living in intentional communities for more prayer on tuesday nights during advent. it's been really great.

3. potential kindred spirits. i just made plans with a new couple at our church to get together. after making these plans i added the woman, rachel, as a facebook friend. imagine my joy and delight when she accepted and the first thing i saw on her facebook page was "pursuing downward mobility". amazing. i cannot wait to get to know this woman better. i emailed her, and we decided that we are destined to be good friends.
(she also listens to christmas music early. another plus for us both!)

4. shepherds. i have been reading the old testament prophets and the book of luke during advent. today i read amos. who was a shepherd. the shepherds are also my favorite characters in the nativity. the poor were the first to worship and celebrate Jesus. it both brings me joy and discourages me that God uses the lowly to bring glory to him and insight change. it brings joy to me because it tells me that God cares for and has not forgotten the poor. and that He knows what He is doing. it discourages me because it shows us that His processes are slow and deliberate. if He used people of power, things would happen much faster, and (as a side note) there probably wouldn't be poor people...
(these are the shepherds from a nativity set purchased in mexico. i love how every nationality is represented.)

5. buke the camera. short for buchanan. i think that this is my camera's new name. elizabeth convinced me that it could be a boy or a (preppy) girl, so i'm still figuring out which it is. i've realized, though, that taking pictures (of pretty much everything, but especially people and nature) brings me joy.

6. d.i.y. projects that i actually think about doing, start doing and finish doing. like these autumn tissue boxes i covered in wrapping paper. i thought the paper was appropriate.

7. christmas lights. tonight specifically, those on our walk to advent prayer. and the fact that we did not see them walking back because someone gave us a ride. i especially like the lights on the third house (the one the "7" is over). i really like the colored christmas lights where the blue is hi-lighted but not overpowering. christmas lights always bring me joy.

8. pajamas and christmas socks. i get pretty excited when i am wearing either of these. both is simply wonderful.

9. peppermint ice cream (and mini marshmallows, though they are optional). i really like peppermint ice cream. i am happy when i eat it. i don't think anything else needs to be said.

10. like-minded friends and talking to them (specifically meghan* on skype). this is not number 10 in importance in any way, it just happened after i had already finished numbering the others and i'm too tired to go back and renumber. talking to like-minded friends (especially those who you want to live with one day) is wonderful. and tonight's conversation brought joy to my heart. there is just something comforting about hearing someone else say "i just really want to move into a slum". it makes it more...normal. i miss servants orientees. i'm so glad we have modern communication devices and the desire to use them!
*disclaimer: in order to talk (she is halfway across the world) i had to stay up way late (hence the pj's) and she had to get up way early. we are both much better looking in person and when we are awake).

so that's that. december will be the month for 100 joys, thanks to ms. sarah markley. hopefully i can keep up! i also invite you to join me! she has instructions on her website, but i would love to hear your list of things. please let me know if you plan on joining in!

(sorry for the wacko layout. one day i will be better at formatting...i think i'll just do simple center pics for the rest of these posts...)

o, christmas tree (and also a technique of the week)

2010-12-04T21:12:00.016-05:00

i think i do a post like this every year. only this year, i'm not going to show you any other decorations than the tree. mainly because my computer is having trouble downloading pictures from my camera, so i have to download them onto luke's computer and then save them on a jump drive and then transfer them onto my computer. and that's just a hassle. so, since we already had the christmas pics on my computer, we'll stick to those. so, here is our cute little christmas tree.

we decided to get one that we could chop down ourselves while we were visiting the teaters in the mountains. luke wanted a tall one and i wanted a fat one. this was the one that we found.

unfortunately, it would not fit in our rental car. so luke and dad t. handily strapped it on top.

it kind of hung over the back of the car...

when we finally got it inside we realized that it was just a bit too tall.

but it was nothing that our saw couldn't handle!

we had to cut off a lot of the lower branches to get it to fit in the tree stand. so it's not so plump anymore...

getting ready to put the lights up, i realized that this would be a pretty awesome time to test out what changing the shutter speed can do...so, here is the technique of the week.

shutter speed. this would also be the "Tv" setting on a camera (my camera at least. and probably a lot of cameras). Tv stands for "Time value" and it controls how long the shutter stays open, and how much light gets in. in daylight or using a flash, in order to get perfect exposure, the setting will be incredibly fast--like 1/250--which means that the shutter is open for 1/250th of a second. when the setting is more dimly lit or darker, the shutter speed will be slower, like 1/2, which means the shutter stays open for a half a second (the "night" setting is on point-and-shoot cameras slows the shutter speed, fyi). this allows more light to get in, but it also means that if the subject you are photographing moves, or if your hand moves, the picture will turn out blurry (unless you have a tripod). the "Tv" mode of a dslr camera will manually set all the settings (iso, aperture, etc) except for shutter speed. it will then adjust the other settings as you adjust the shutter speed in order to achieve perfect exposure. so, here are the examples:

the first picture used the flash, so the shutter speed was faster at 1/60. you can see that the lights in luke's hand are still.

so then i turned off the flash, and set my shutter speed much slower--to 1/25. the result was kind of cool, but you could still see most of the lights going across the picture in kind of a jerky movement, i think this is because the shutter wasn't open long enough to get the lights going around in a full circle.

so then i slowed it to 1/4 and received almost the desired effect (plus luke moved around a little bit too much in the background, so the background appears blurry as well).

so, i finally slowed the speed down to 1/2 and this was the outcome:

then i slowed it down to stay open for a full second. the difference wasn't that huge:

so we went back to 1/2, and both held the lights on each end and swung them around the room, which i thought ended up pretty awesome:

but, we had a job to do. and luke was anxious to finish the task at hand. so he started putting my toy on the tree.

and he was ever so patient with me while i continued to snap pictures (i think i say this in a lot of my picture posts, but i mean it all the time: he is a good man).

All the lights are finished!

time for angela to grace us with her presence, yet again (only this year with new wings...hopefully these ones will actually stay on...). angela is the angel i made for our tree our first christmas, when we weren't even sure we would be able to afford a tree. i think, for me, she is a gentle reminder of humility, simplicity and contentedness. of how it was, how we aim to be, and what (at least the simplicity, but hopefully the humility and contentedness, too) we will return to in the upcoming years. if i have anything to say about it, angela will grace our tree every year that we have a tree.

luke sometimes (okay, well more than sometimes...) gets goofy with the camera. but i kind of liked this goofy picture:

and then we finished decorating the rest of the tree (i like this little pine cone angel):

all finished!

happy beginning of the christmas season, everyone! may you encounter the incarnate Jesus in His fullness, and recognize the grace and hope of the salvation He offers this Advent.

frost and hope

2010-11-30T23:02:00.009-05:00

i originally walked down to the mountain-side garden on the chilly sunday morning in order to take this picture of my father-in-law's wheelbarrow:

but as i leaned in to take the picture i was completely taken in by the frost and the different designs it created on the grass and the leaves. so i used the opportunity to use the manual focus on my camera, as well as play around with the different color features. i wasn't planning on taking these, so i don't have any of the data written down (hence, no "technique of the week"), but i was so excited about how beautifully these pictures turned out (not to brag), that i wanted to share them. so here they are:

monochromatic vs. color

manual re-focusing

on another note, recently, i have been so glad that psalms such as psalm 13 exist. psalms that remind us that even david felt forgotten, and that though it is sometimes hard, God is still worthy of our praise.

we went to an advent prayer meeting tonight at an intentional community about a mile from our apartment. we talked about hope. i'm ready for hope.

turkey trot 10k!

2010-11-20T15:48:00.013-05:00

this morning jenny, liz and i woke up early, donned our new turkey trot technical t-shirts and some leggings, and headed down to quantico (with our trusty driver/photographer/all around great guy, luke) to run the turkey trot 10k. we had a lot of fun! and while we didn't finish quite as fast as the winner (who runs a 10k in 31 minutes?! he was literally passing us on the end of his last mile while we were passing the 3 mile mark...), we made decent time and had fun while we were doing it. it's hard to imagine that this time last year i was so sick i couldn't eat rice and avacado, and i could hardly even run for 3 minutes straight...anyways, here are some pictures for you to enjoy:

walking to the race course!

feeling strong before we start.

but we were also a bit scared.

dancin' to the music.

sisters before a 10k!

and we're off!

lots of characters (including a whole chick-fil-a cow family) around to see us run!

halfway through mile 5! almost done!

luke got pictures of all three of us completely off the ground coming up to the finish line (click to make larger)...

me.

liz.

jenny.

all done!

sisters after a 10k!

we were making the 10k. because that's what we ran.

giggles.

we were acting like turkeys since we just trotted like them.

don't worry little turkeys. they say you won't be eaten on thursday because you are the "breeders".
the wonderful photographer. and my husband (of course).

hooray! and in case i don't "see" you again before then--happy thanksgiving!

living.

2010-11-18T22:39:00.003-05:00

judge me not, ye naysayers of everything christmas pre-thanksgiving. tuesday i received some less than awesome news, and promptly walked home from dc central kitchen and strung up twinkle-lights haphazardly through our kitchen, turned off all the lights in our apartment, and did the dishes by christmas-light. i needed something happy.

this was a really hard week. and i've had a headache for most of it. today i was supposed to do my last run before the 10k on saturday morning, but instead i came home with a pounding headache and proceeded to drink hot chocolate with mini marshmallows--filling the cup with marshmallows as i drank the hot chocolate down, to the point where i'm pretty sure there were more marshmallows in the cup than hot chocolate. and i watched 30 rock. and ate wheat thins.

i will probably regret this decision on saturday morning.

last friday we were asked by the international director of servants if we would consider taking all of 2011 as a "preparation year" for going abroad, and postpone our moving until early 2012. honestly, this didn't really come as a shock to me. in fact, after orientation, i wasn't really sure that i would be ready to go "as soon as possible" like luke and i had originally wanted. but hearing somebody else ask me to do it frustrated me. i feel stuck and unsure and purposeless. and, honestly, pretty hopeless and useless. i don't really understand what God has going for me at this point, or why He wants me here. what is taking so long in getting this process moving, and why, in the mean time, i haven't been able to land a job here. i'm tired and weary and restless.

i am currently reading two books right now--the practice of the presence of God by brother lawrence, and the city of joy by dominique lapierre. tuesday morning i read from both of these books an idea that struck me right in the heart.

that what i do should be solely for God and not for anything else.

i know that this idea does not seem that revolutionary. but consider brother lawrence's words on the subject:

i engaged in a religious life only for the love of God, and i have endeavored to act only for Him; whatever becomes of me, whether i be lost or saved, i will always continue to act purely for the love of God. i shall have this good at least, that till death i shall have done all that is in me to love Him.

i realized as i read this, and as i read the prayer of a young priest in the slums of kolkata in the book city of joy which simply stated "Lord, i am here for You, not for me, not for others, but for You", that at present, i am not living only for the love of God. i am loving God for the religious life, for the benefits of not feeling frustrated, purposeless, etc. i want to go abroad in part for God, but in part for myself, and in part for others.

you see, our obedience to God (if we are Christians) should not be a means to an end. it should be an end in itself. and i don't treat it as such. i love God for what He can give me, rather than for what He has already given me. how many of us are christians so that we will go to heaven, rather than so we can obey God and help bring heaven to earth? how many of us follow God so that He will give us healing and grace, rather than loving God and allowing Him to heal and give grace through us? i know that i often strive to figure out what God wants from me--not because i love Him, but because i think that unless i figure out the perfect way to serve Him i will be unhappy and He will not bless me.

do i have the courage to love God simply (and yet, so complex...) because He is God? moreover, do i have the courage to endeavor to act only for Him?

so, yes, it was a hard week. and though i have come out of it feeling pretty beat up, i enter into this with praise, weak as it may be. for there is a Redeemer who loves me. and He is teaching me to serve Him for the sole reason that there is no response to perfect love other than love. and when we live out of love, there is no turning back.

interesting thought.

2010-11-12T14:10:00.002-05:00

Our friend Craig posted this on facebook:

"Check this out: no electricity, lining up for cold food, scooping up toilet waste and disposing of it elsewhere, fear of danger from either fire or flood??? So in other words 3 days of life on a broken cruise ship was actually similar to daily life for the 1 billion people living in slums..."

Why does the "cruise ship nightmare" gathers news stories when those living in these conditions (only worse, and it is their life....) go unnoticed and ignored?

kingdom come

2010-11-12T01:34:00.002-05:00

"are you ready for the kingdom of God to come?" he asked me, looking up at me with tired eyes and a big smile.

"oh, sir, you don't even know," i replied. for this week was one of those weeks. the kind of week where i cling to the promises of revelation--that Christ will make all things new, and that there will be a new heaven and a new earth. where nothing will be the same as it is right now.

even though the conversation with Leroy quickly went from a deep theological question to a monologue on why the kingdom of God will arrive in 2012, questions like these during hard weeks make me realize how much truth is spoken into my life in the least expected places...this question helped me to articulate my entire week. a week in which i encountered great brokenness--both mine and others--without much sign of redemption in the future. this week i long for the day when the poor and disabled will be exalted rather than discarded and marginalized, where the sick will be made new, where the mentally handicapped will talk with Jesus and where the drug addicts will experience true joy instead of fading highs. and on this day that is set aside to honor the courage of men an women like my grandfather--and rightly so, for they have great courage--we look to the day when peace will reign, and long for the peace to reign on earth right now.

when Jesus taught us to pray, He included in His prayer His longing for His Father's will to be done, and for His Father's Kingdom to come--on earth as it is in heaven. i have been thinking about this prayer often--what would it look like for His Kingdom to come now--on earth as it is in Heaven. is this a prayer for the future, or for the present? if we look at the other things mentioned in this prayer, they are things we want now--our daily bread, to be forgiven of our sins, to be delivered from evil--if the rest of the prayer is for the present, then doesn't it make sense that the beginning is as well? so what would it look like if all of us, as christians, prayed that God would use us to help bring His Kingdom to earth--prayed that in their lives His will would be done, as it is in heaven. do we have the courage to pray that prayer? and what would it look like in your life, home and community.

while we were at orientation, the song that we sang most often was called "may your kingdom come". i'm going to end with these lyrics that i have been praying all week--and i invite you to pray them with me. but be forewarned--this is not an easy prayer, and it may come with great cost. for when we pray for His Kingdom to come, we lose our own desires and are bound up in His. and life can never be the same.

for the hungry, we cry out for Your mercy
for the hurting, we cry out for Your mercy

come, Jesus, come

may Your Kingdom come on earth as it is in Heaven

come, Lord, come

for the warring, we cry out for Your mercy
for the dying, we cry out for Your mercy

come, Jesus, come

Lessons from Leaves

2010-10-30T22:55:00.008-04:00

There. Now isn't this color scheme a little bit easier on the eyes? I was getting a little bit tired of the darkness.

Moving along.

I've always been a fall kind of gal. I thoroughly enjoy the weather changing from hot summer to crisp cool. Pumpkin everything brings joy to my life (for real. pumpkin. everything. soup, lattes, donuts, pancakes, you name it.). And I am dazzled by the changing colors of leaves.

While in Vancouver I took some really great photographs (click the bold to go to albums) of some stunning leaves, and last night Luke and I took a walk around the graveyard for some more picture taking time (I married a good, good man). While leaves are changing they turn from dark green to brilliant reds, oranges and golds. Sometimes I forget as a snap shots of these leaves, or just as I walk under trees, completely engrossed by their colors, that these leaves are dying, and while this will give way to new life, it is in their death that (at least to me) they become the most beautiful.

One of the other Servant's Orientees shared with us on the last night of Orientation that this is what God asks us to do.
All through the Bible it talks about dying to self, taking up our cross and completely surrendering our everything to Christ. We are invited time after time through Paul's epistles to join with Christ in His death, in order to enter into new life. And it is through this surrender--through this death--that we enter into our most stunning phase--we are completely filled with the glory of God, in order to dazzle the world with His love.

So there is a quick thought as this October--glorious and blurry--comes to a close for me. And my prayer is that I, and all of us, would be willing to die, so that Christ may turn us deep shades of red, oranges and golds, so that we may dazzle our homes, neighborhoods, cities, countries and even the world, with His love.

(Remember, you can click on the pictures to make them larger, and you can click on the above links to see more Vancouver pictures!)

Pig.

2010-10-26T20:41:00.005-04:00

I realize that I have not posted for the entire month of October. And this may be my only post...but this was too good not to post (click to make larger).

Pig is my favorite.

Destiny

2010-10-11T22:53:00.000-04:00

I would really like to harvest cranberries one day.

As I was thinking this, and looking at pictures of cranberry harvesters on google image an ocean spray insiders club email* arrived in my inbox.

And I do not think that was a coincidence.

I also don't think it's a coincidence that this man looks Indian.

No coincidences. Just destiny.

That's all. I'll see you in the bogs. With those overall things, a plaid shirt and a rake.

*(yes, I am part of the ocean spray insiders club. i don't know why. i don't buy their juice. it isn't available at aldi. but i am a little bit obsessed with it.)

Destiny

2010-09-22T03:05:00.009-04:00

I would really like to harvest cranberries one day.

As I was looking at pictures of cranberry harvesters and dreaming of a new life on the internet an ocean spray insiders club* email arrived in my inbox.

And I do not think that was a coincidence.

I also don't think it's a coincidence that this man looks Indian.

No coincidences. Just destiny.

I'll see you in the cranberry bogs. with those overall things, a plaid shirt and a rake.

*(Yes, I am a member of the Ocean Spray Insiders Club. I don't know why. I don't buy their juice. They don't sell it at Aldi. But I am a little bit obsessed with it...)

Technique of the Week: Manual Focus (at Cupcake Camp!)

2010-09-18T22:23:00.052-04:00

Today was Cupcake Camp! Where lots of bakers and cupcake lovers get together and it's a match made in heaven. Bakers baking, lovers eating, it was a beautiful thing. And Rachel and I fully participated in the beauty from 3:00 to 5:00. Delicious.

Earlier in the week some of the bakers canceled and so more bakers were needed, so I decided to try my hand at baking some cupcakes for the masses (plus, I got a free t-shirt!).

Because of my love of fall and everything pumpkin, I decided to make pumpkin cupcakes with cream cheese frosting. They turned out deliciously well.

At Cupcake Camp there were all sorts of delicious cupcakes there. Ones that were strawberry and carrot and chocolate and...well, pretty much you name it.

There were tiny vegan and tiny shiny cupcakes and cupcakes with animal faces and sprinkles and even cupcakes socks and cupcake shirts.

Everyone loves cupcakes (that baby really wanted that cupcake!).

Cupcakes were everywhere...

And we ate a lot...

Hooray for cupcakes!
(And sorry for the long and incredibly awkward post. It was hard to choose which photos I liked the best and I'm not that good at html...if you want to see any pictures larger, you can click on them and they'll get bigger...)

September.

2010-09-05T21:09:00.010-04:00

Today feels like fall. And when I got home my wonderful husband had broken out our Spiced Pumpkin Candle and the smells of fall were wafting through our little apartment.

We took a walk tonight in the crisp air and watched the sunset, and Luke patiently let me play with my camera and work on exposure. He's wonderful.

(He thinks he looks like a goat in this picture. I think he looks cute. He just told me that cute and like a goat are not at odds, but rather the same thing.)

Below (and above, I guess) are some of my favorite pictures from the evening.

Not only does Luke light my favorite candle and patiently let me practice my picture taking(which often includes taking pictures of him...), he does the laundry, too!

(Apparently he needs the goggles because water and soap are involved and can splash into your face...)

Yes, I have a good husband. And it was a beautiful day. And life doesn't get much better. Happy September, everyone!

Technique of the Week: Action Shots

2010-09-04T23:00:00.017-04:00

Today we went to play disc golf. I decided it would be a fun time to try out different continuous shot settings. Here are some results:

Luke Driving

Me Driving

Luke Putting

Plus, when you are shooting in continuous shoot mode, you can capture some pretty cool random faces in a series of not so great or in-focus pictures. Like this one that Luke shot of me:

Also, I know last night I complaining about the heat and the lack of fall-like weather in the beginning of September. Well, last night something wonderful happened, and this morning was gorgeous. There were blue skies, and we even saw some hints of autumn:

Cool things that I learned today about my camera:

It can shoot in black and white (learned by reading the camera manual).

Changing the aperture, shutter speed and ISO can work wonders for your pictures (learned by reading a book on photography, given to me by Mom T). Observe below.

The sky was beautiful tonight after the sunset, so I decided to try to take a picture of it. The first picture, with the settings my camera was already on (aperture f/8.0, shutter speed 1/125s and ISO 100) and no flash turned out like this:
Normally, I would have just moved closer and tried to capture it with the flash. However, the flash would have highlighted the things on top of the shelves in front of the window, rather than the sky. So instead, adjusted the aperture to f/6.3, shutter speed to 1/40s and ISO to 800 and this was the turn out:
Since it got better and not worse, I adjusted it one more time to the lowest settings, f/5.6, 1/4s and ISO 1600 and the turn out was as follows:
Ah-may-zing. No flash used at all, and yet the colors are vibrant. It's not perfect, I'm still figuring it out, and hoping that at some point I'll be able to just look at a scene and fix the settings to the perfect picture. I'm also not 100% sure what all of that means yet. I know that it has something to do with the amount of light that can hit the lens, and how long you expose the lens to the light. But anyways, I thought that was pretty cool. I'll definitely be exploring expose some more in the coming weeks. Sorry if all of that technical stuff bores you. I just find it pretty fascinating.

So that's technique of the week for now! Enjoy the rest of the weekend!

love in the margins.

2010-09-03T21:35:00.005-04:00

it.is.so.hot.

every summer i look forward to september. when starbucks starts selling their pumpkin spice lattes. when summer ends, and fall begins. i should step outside and be able to smell fall in the air, right? wrong. this september came roaring in with another 95 degree day. i went to starbucks to pass some time and couldn't bring myself to order the deliciousness of fall in a cup. rather i sipped cinnamon coffee and looked outside at people still in their shorts and tank tops. oh well. fall will come in its time.

in the mean time, i am attempting to bring fall sooner by looking at pictures of fall trees, and applying them to my blog. i always like changing up the look of this blog...

i don't know how many of you have looked at our servants blog, but in july i blogged about what it looks like to love the least. this is something that i have been thinking on again, yet this time not specifically related to servants' work, so i thought that maybe i would discuss it a bit here.

recently i've been working with a couple in our church who are not the easiest people to deal with. hit with a few mental and personality disabilities, as well as a series of unfortunate and touch circumstances, this couple seems to have exhausted many resources and people. it seems as though they have been passed around and abandoned time after time, until one day, about a month ago, they landed in my lap.

since then i have been learning to set boundaries and speak with grace. i'm learning what it looks like to work with a family who is interested in helping as long as it is not an inconvenience to them, and a case manager who is overloaded and doesn't have time to devote. i'm learning why everyone else who has offered to help this couple has been burnt out and is now unwilling to help. this couple, by maybe only some fault of their own, has been pushed to the side in an effort to pass their problems on to someone else. and believe me, i have felt the strong urge to do the same.

this morning i started volunteering with dc central kitchen again. i worked with first helping, the street outreach program, that takes food to various places in the city, and uses it as a means to build community and work together to meet needs. throughout southeast (the part of the city my group goes to) there are a lot of needy people. a lot of them have been pushed down there through various means of gentrification in an effort to make the city a nicer place to live. these wonderful men and women live on the outskirts of society.

Jesus lived on the margins of society. He spent His time with the tax collectors, lepers, prostitutes and "sinners". He specialized in reaching out to those who had been passed along until there was no one else to help. those who were forced out of society because of disease or ostracism. He reached out in compassion to those the Pharisees and religious people did not want to touch.

i've been wondering where Jesus would be if He lived in washington, dc. i think He would be going between southeast dc where the socioeconomically marginalized live, the fields and construction sites where many illegal immigrants spend their time, and dupont circle, where a lot of the gay population lives.

the awesome thing about Jesus was that He didn't wait for people to come to Him. He went to people. and He didn't just pass them along when He got tired of them. He stuck with them--look at how many times the disciples did not get what He was saying. but He didn't just leave, He kept explaining.

we are so lucky that Jesus, in our unworthy and disgusting state, loves and forgives us and shows us unimaginable grace. the question now becomes, how do we, in turn, love, forgive and show grace to others. especially those who seem unworthy of love, forgiveness and grace?

paul says in romans 12 (because like i said, i've been studying and unpacking romans 12, and this should be included), that we are to "be devoted to one another in brotherly love. " and "honor one another above yourselves." while we could go into a whole other discussion about what honor means, i think we all know that it does not necessarily mean that we are to honor those who are "supposed" to be honored, but rather those who are not. my challenge for myself this week, and one i would encourage you to think about too, is who can you do a better job at honoring above yourself. and what would it look like? i encourage you (and i will be doing the same...) to think about one person who you have little to no respect for, and honor them this week above yourself. let me know how it works out. and if you're interested, i'll do the same.

living in harmony.

2010-08-29T14:35:00.008-04:00

i've had several thoughts in my head for quite some time now. thoughts like how after reading this article i do not want to ever just simply pass by a musician on the metro. and how the other day while i was waiting for luke to go to the baseball game, there was a pretty amazing sax player jamming out and a girl just stood there, ipod in her ears, rather than participating in the community around her. and how that made me sad.

i've been thinking about love a lot recently. i've been thinking about what it looks like to really love. there are some days when i love people who i choose to surround myself very well. i feel like i can go down the little checklist of 1 corinthians 13 and say, "patient, kind, thoughtful...check, check, check...yes, i know how to love." however, just when i'm feeling pretty good about my capacity to love the people i choose to love, God hits me with a healthy dose of humility. and i thought i'd share that humility with you today.

romans. i've been stuck in romans for the last couple of weeks. wonderful, challenging, and sometimes frustrating romans. while my feelings for paul have always been mixed ones, my feelings for romans never waiver. i. love. this. book. every ridiculously challenging word. and this week, dealing with my borderline personality friend and her husband, hearing some of the things going on down at the glenn beck and sarah palin rally, and with my head swirling with thoughts about freedom of religion and how it pertains to the community center/mosque in nyc, i needed to be reminded of paul's words on love in romans. if nothing else, but to remind me that love is not a checklist, nor is it picking a choosing who i get to love. love is all the time, everybody, joyful action. and, on top of it all, love must be sincere...which means, no checklist (12:9).

after attending a remembrance ceremony for martin luther king jr. yesterday, some friends and i went down to look at the glenn beck rally. i admit, we did not go with the best of intentions. we were curious, and probably not in a good way. but we were a little bit dismayed at the number of christians who came out to support this man who thinks that social justice has no place in the church. frustrated after the rally i opened my bible to romans for a quick quiet time--and bam. paul was talking about unity (i told you, humbled. all the time.) for the remainder of my quiet time i struggled with romans 15:5-7 what does it mean to be unified with the people excited about glenn beck. and are they even christians if they don't believe that social justice in important, when part of Jesus' very essence was welcoming the outcast and the marginalized? i voiced my question to luke: do i really have to be unified with "those" people? and luke's reply...well, if they are christians, then yes, and if they are enemies, we are called to love them.

live in harmony with one another. do not be proud. do not be conceited. these are the rules we are called to live by. that is what love is.

there are more thoughts that will probably come out this week pertaining to this subject, especially to verses 18 and 21. but this blog is already long enough. and i've confessed enough of my bias and frustration for now. what about you? who do you struggle to love and be unified with?

Introducing: Technique of the Week.

2010-08-22T22:19:00.005-04:00

Why hello, long lost readers. It has been quite some time since I have discussed my innermost thoughts and feelings, things God has been teaching me, or what is happening in my life. And tonight is not the night to delve into these issues. However, I did want to give you one exciting update on my life:

I recently purchased a new (well, new to me) camera. A DSLR. A Canon Rebel XSi. And I'm pretty excited.

My goal: to learn how to use this camera to take stellar pictures so that I can share my Indian exploits with all the kindly folks back home. So, in order to do this, these next few weeks I will be exploring this camera and it's features. In order to hold me accountable, I will be posting a "Technique of the Week", which will range from this week's edition--turning the camera on and taking lots of random pictures, to next week where I begin to explore individual settings, shutter speed, iso, etc. I'm super excited to share this exploration of technology with you! So, let the shooting begin!

This is one of the first pictures I took with the new camera. Luke's goal was to see if it would take a picture down his throat. It did.

The first time I took the camera (I should come up with a name for it...Luke just suggested Charles...) out, I went to the garden. The sunflower pictures are of our sunflowers and the butterfly one is of a neighboring garden.

Saturday we took our friends' kids to the playground. Neil let me borrow some of his awesome lenses (they also have a Canon DSLR). The kids had a blast, and I had a blast taking pictures with these amazing lenses (they are on my list of things to buy next...when I have some money just laying around...). I got some great pictures, but don't want to post them until I get permission from Neil and Rachel. In the mean time, I'll post some of the pictures I got that do not show their faces (and hope that's okay).

Yeah. I'm pretty excited about this new camera and exploring all of its features. My favorite feature thus far: continuous shooting. I can shoot up to 3.5 photos per second. And it was so much fun to capture the kids in this mode.

I'm not sure what I'll be working on this week. But I do know one thing: I can't wait to show you!

irony.

2010-08-13T01:51:00.002-04:00

don't worry. the irony that my blog title is "with joy" yet the most recent blog post on my blog (for like, the last month) is "bad mood" is not lost on me.

i really should update, but between sitting on my butt watching reruns of pushing daisies, gilmore girls and bones, reading anne of green gables and pretending to be a case manager for a couple in our church, who really has time?

plus, add in baseball games with two hour rain delays that don't end until 12:30 am.

one day, i'll update soon. in the mean time it's off to pennsylvania for grandparents, huckleberry picking and mountains.

happy friday everyone!

bad mood.

2010-07-17T19:01:00.004-04:00

i am not in a good mood today.

while out and about in the city i found myself re-hashing my life and what things are not going well (why am i unemployed? why are we still in this city? why is it hot?). coming back i promptly fell asleep on the couch. luke woke me up and moved me into the bedroom and we awoke much too late in soaking wet sheets. the bus isn't coming to take us to the grocery store. nothing is getting done. and i cannot stop sweating.

i'm in a bad mood.

as i was laying on the couch sweating and complaining, my wonderful husband came over, sat next to me, and rubbed my leg. he looked at me with those sweet eyes and said:

"wifey, i'm glad we don't have a guinea pig*."
"why?"
"because it would be dead."

nothing like putting a bad mood in perspective.

*we've been thinking about getting a guinea pig. however, we would need to wait until the fall, because apparently, guinea pigs are very susceptible to heat stroke...

4-miles

2010-07-15T10:18:00.002-04:00

WE MADE IT!

summer snapshots

2010-07-14T08:57:00.012-04:00

nothing says summer like a hot, humid night, standing barefoot in the kitchen with the windows open, fans blowing, and cutting up strawberries for strawberry shortcake. luke would rather have ice cream than baked goods, but i like to bake, so this week when we ran out of ice cream, i decided to take the opportunity to make strawberry shortcake for dessert. it was delicious.

mr. williams gave me some squash, lima beans and peppers our of his garden this week. he's having trouble with the deer eating his tomatoes, too. we all are. but we did enjoy the fruits of his labor (yum, squash chips), and hopefully soon we'll have some of our own. When we got back we found several spaghetti squash growing, along with some watermelons, okra and pumpkins. gardening is pretty exciting.

every baseball game the dc lottery pays for two lucky fans who are sitting way in the top sections to move down into the seats right behind home plate. every game luke and i attend we look at those lucky fans up on the big screen as clint (the announcer) introduces them to the masses, and beth and kenny (two of the nats pack) escort them down to their new seats. every game we think "we wish that was us...".

well, my friends, let me tell you a story. last week luke and i went to a normal nationals game, bought our normal $5 tickets and sat in our normal, incredibly far away (but still fun) seats. in our nats shirts, we anxiously awaited the start of the game, i filled out my score book, and we watched as the first batter came up to bat. then, out of the corner of our eye, we saw the camera guy come up the stairs and look over to section 401. then over to section 402. "oohhh" we thought "the lucky seat upgrade!" we fought the urge to say "us! us! pick us!" but instead concentrated on the game and keeping score like nothing weird was happening. then we saw clint. he walked up the stairs and looked around. he searched in section 402. "there are no fans over there!" we whispered to each other. "he should look over here!" as if he heard us, his head turned. he smiled and walked over to us. "how are you doing today, folks?" he asked, with his cheesy grin. "can we give you some seats to the diamond club?"

yes. we were the lucky seat upgrade of the game. after talking to clint about moving to different seats, the nats, his life history, our life history, he introduced us to the masses at nats park. told everyone how we were fans, and how they picked us because of our nats shirts and because of how we kept score, and then beth (who is our hero, because apparently she was the one who told clint to pick us) and kenny led us down to our lucky seats. so close that we could see the the sweat spot on the homeplate umpire's back get bigger as the game went on, see the ball release from the pitchers hand, yell with confidence at the ump when he called a ball a strike (or vice-versa, depending on who was batting), and cheer for ryan zimmerman to get a home run and feel like he might actually hear us this time.

it.was.awesome.

along with this lucky seat upgrade came padded seats and $35 to spend on food (which was ordered from and brought right to your seat...) so we sat in those padded seats

and drank (crazy expensive) frozen margaritas out of ridiculously large nats glasses.

and just felt pretty lucky and happy, in general, that we got to experience the dc lottery natstown lucky seat upgrade.

so that's my story for today.

tonight whitney and i are running a bastille day 4-mile race. i'll let you know if we live to tell about it.

blogs.

2010-07-12T09:53:00.004-04:00

i've decided to start a new (shared) blog for luke and i to chronicle our thoughts and adventures as we prepare to go/spend our time abroad. i launched it today, and you can find it at:

http://teaterserving.wordpress.com/

i will still be blogging personal reflections and such on this blog until we leave. after we leave, i'm not sure what i will end up doing...but that's awhile from now, so i have time to think about it...

peace

2010-07-12T08:43:00.003-04:00

just in from kentucky, where we laughed, visited and slept in ac.

i went running both mornings while we were there. in the cool weather i went far and long (well, for me, that is). and as i was running i thought about peace. and how, running through the neighborhoods and seeing people out with dogs, picking weeds and getting the newspapers, where i could hear birds chirping and see bunnies hopping as the sun glistened off the dew drops on the grass: yes, it is peaceful there.

fast forward to last night, walking home. we stopped at the garden to water our increasingly large pumpkin and squash plants, and to check up on our still puny green beans. we walked through our street and came upon our friend clinton.

"where are you coming from?"
"we're just getting back from kentucky."
"oh, kentucky! i've never been to kentucky before. what's it like?" he smiled his almost toothless grin. "is it like here? all built up like around here?"
"the part that we were in was, but kentucky is a big state."
"oh, maybe next time you can bring me back a picture...like of a building or a restaurant or something. that would be nice..."

we promised him a picture, said our goodbyes and walked towards our apartment. up the stairs and into the stillness and heat. we briefly discussed if we should leave the blinds down and windows closed and decided it was too stuffy not to open up to the world. and as we settled back into the norm with frozen pizza and some scrubs episodes, and as night fell onto our neighborhood and the sounds and smells of the night returned, i realized something: that this is peaceful, too.

some verses i meditated on while i was in kentucky are found in philippians 4. the first, verses 4-8, are the verses i had my kids memorize in sunday school. about rejoicing in the Lord always, and meditating on good and true things. the second part is further down, in verses 12 and 13. almost everyone knows verse 13. athletes quote it as their favorite verse, and people use it to get through earthly trials and tribulations. "i can do everything through Him who gives me strength." but people seldom know what paul is talking about here. and that is found in verse 12: "i have learned the secret of being content in any and every situation...i can do everything through Him who gives me strength."

our contentedness and peace should not be found in our surroundings, in our situations, or in our worldly comfort. no, it should be found solely in the One who gives us strength.

"And He will be their peace."
Micah 5:5

two years.

2010-07-05T11:00:00.005-04:00

a story.

one barefoot day in july...

i put on a pretty dress...

and walked down a green grassy lane (amidst friends and wasps...) to the man of my dreams...

we sang some hymns...

nervously giggled and exchanged some vows...

and washed some feet...

we took some pictures...

danced together...

and did the hokey pokey (it is what it's all about...)

and at the end of it all, i was married to the man who is better than any of my dreams could have imagined.

when luke asked me to marry him, he asked me if i would adventure with him for the rest of our lives. and adventuring is what we do best. year 1 and 2 have been full of adventure, seeking to love God and our city and our neighbors and each other. year 3 is going to bring whole new adventures, heartache and joy, but i feel like we're moving more and more into our purpose, and what God wants for us. i can't wait to see what it looks like to serve together in another country, and to continually move deeper and deeper into joining God among the urban poor. so here's to two good years, and moving headfirst into year three!

(i really, really love this man. and though i thought it was impossible to love him more than i did on july 5, 2008, i definitely love him more today than i did then. man, july 5, 2058 there is going to be a ridiculous amount of love...)

ps. i actually wrote this on july 2 before we left for our anniversary camping trip and scheduled it to post on july 5. we'll see how this works...

p.b.s.

2010-06-28T22:01:00.007-04:00

this is why i love pearls before swine (click to make larger).

summer snapshots

2010-06-27T17:29:00.011-04:00

it's so hot in our apartment that yesterday we left the butter out of the refrigerator for about 2 hours after breakfast and it melted. and our thermostat is most definitely maxed out at 88. but i'm pretty sure it is hotter than 88 in here.

though i was thinking about it the other morning as i was getting ready to complain about the heat and i realized that luke and i may never live in a house with ac again...or at least it may be a very, very long time before we do. so i reckon it's time to stop complaining and start getting used to it.

anthony was in town this week and whitney came over and we spent the evening cooking dinner together, laughing, playing scattergories, eating ice cream cones, talking about old memories and making new ones. i love having old friends in town! there's something so comfortable about old friends.

side-note: mint in a salad is amazing. try it. you'll love it.

we've been spending a lot of time with this one, and it has been glorious.

i honestly cannot say enough about how much i love this woman. we went to a baseball game together last t-shirt tuesday. here are some snapshots:

it rained. hard. and so we snuck here under the stairs, after the lightning called the game and forced everyone down onto the concourse. the storm was quick, but fierce. afterwords there was a lot of lightning behind the scoreboard and some beautiful clouds above the field.

we've also been gardening in our community garden, which i find incredibly delightful. i like how a guy just walked by today and handed luke some celery. and how in my garden i have swiss chard from one plot and tomato plants from another. how i know my garden neighbor will be getting married in two weeks in the mountains, how we met a neighbor in our apartment complex because her plot is diagonal from ours, and how mr. williams and i share our gardening woes when things don't grow exactly as they should (though, he humors me, his garden looks amazing...).
(the last picture is of luke spraying a bird, i kind of liked the picture...)

i guess community is the word of the day, because i realized today how much i love the unique community at our church. i walked downstairs to hear a woman speaking spanish with a new family from columbia, and a man speaking chinese to a visitor from china. i love the way that pretty much any person who is asian who visits our church will probably be able to speak their native language with someone during our community lunch after church. how pretty much any visitor from around the world would be able to find someone who has been to their home country--and it's not because it's a big church (we only have 100 members...) it's because we are lucky enough to go to a church that cares about the world and therefore attracts people who are from all around the world or who served all around the world. it's an international body of christ, right here in washington, dc.

it's vbs this week at washington international, by the way. i'm teaching 4 and 5 year olds. it should be a blast.

being real.

2010-06-23T08:57:00.003-04:00

so i've been thinking a lot lately about blogs and facebook and life in general and how we portray ourselves. really, how i portray myself. how i don't want pictures tagged of me if i look gross, how i blog about gardening and cooking and how i like eating fresh strawberries on hot summer days. how if people ask me what i do (a question which i hate, now that i'm unemployed) i tell them that i garden, i try to run, and i babysit.

we were talking about what honesty might look like for the church in small group recently (it actually came up a couple of times while reading the great divorce by c.s. lewis). how when someone asks me what i do, i should really say how i often get frustrated with life, angry with others and how sometimes i yell at my husband, despite how much i love him. because, honestly, these things are much more likely to happen than me eating strawberries on a hot summer day (unfortunately).

so here is my attempt at being real. and it's pretty embarrassing.

this morning i was having my quiet time and i read luke 6:20-26. you know, the part where Jesus is like "blessed are the poor and the hungry, and woe to the rich and to the satisfied". i mean, those are some really convicting words. or at least they should be. but for me, this morning, for whatever reason, they weren't. rather i read them and was like "piece of cake, i got this down...man, i feel sorry for all these rich american christians who AREN'T going to live in a slum..." can we say incredibly smug and self-righteous? go ahead, say it. because it's true.

well, Jesus saw me coming from a mile (and some 2000 years) away because i continued to read through the chapter and not even 15 verses later, in luke 6:37-42 Jesus says the famous, "why look at the speck of sawdust in your brothers eye when you have a ridiculously large plank in your own eye" (italics, mine). and at this point i felt incredibly convicted that we are rich, too. we are satisfied. i have never been hungry, except by choice. and all of these things.

i've been having a hard time staying awake for my quiet times lately, so i decided to go running to think this through. as i was dying in the heat and trying to beat my running time from yesterday (i don't know why i do that to myself...) i realized that i have thought/felt/been every emotion about my calling to the urban poor than what i should be. grateful. i've felt frustrated, angry, jealous, self-righteous, unworthy, unable, you name it. but i have barely, if ever, sat down and actually thanked God that He has called me to live among the urban poor abroad. and that's what i should be doing all along. this is not a choice i have made, this is something i am called to, a blessing i have been given. i am so lucky, because i get to spend at least the next three years among the urban poor of asia, living with them, learning from them and serving amongst them. i am so privileged! and not because i earned it, or because i'm able, or because God wants to deny me the comforts of living the "american dream" but rather because He called me and He is allowing me the great privilege of being used by Him.

so that's what i need to strive for. being grateful and being honest. i'm not quite sure what this will look like...

____________________________________

on another note, i may be a horrible person, but this makes me laugh.

additionally, at small group, discussing how to best care for yourself and the difference between being self-caring and selfish, this comment was made:

N: i wonder what people like mother theresa and martin luther king, jr. did to relax and be self-loving. i mean, they weren't always doing great things...
M: shane claiborne is in town this week, you should ask him what mother theresa did, since he met her.
N: i bet she was like "shane, you, me, 5 hour law and order marathon."

and, one last, unrelated, thought: has general mcchrystal ever seen almost famous? because maybe he should have before speaking with rolling stone. he might have avoided this whole mess.

________________________________________

now, if you excuse me, i must go remove this plank.

cookbooks.

2010-06-19T13:49:00.004-04:00

yesterday i spent the day helping a friend clean out her house before moving to france at the end of july. this woman is probably one of the most delightful people i've ever met, and also one of the best cooks ever (after my grandmother). she has about a bajillion cookbooks, which she is thinning out before she moves, and she offered me a couple. and by a couple i mean 10. including this wonderful beauty:

yes, my dear friends, that is over 500 pages of cookie recipes. and i plan on making all of them. maybe not all, but a lot.

she also gave me this (which i plan on making one recipe a week from in preparation for our possible future.):
now, i am aware that just owning cookbooks does not make you a delicious cook, just as owning a Bible does not make you a christian. however, i am hoping that having these cookbooks at my side will help me become a world-renouwn cook such as bertie koons or annie lienert or julia child. anyone want to come over for dinner?

(parentheses)

2010-06-17T22:33:00.008-04:00

today was a beautiful day. it was windy and sunny and warm. it was a day where the air flowed so freely through our open windows that it didn't even matter that we don't have air conditioning.
i spent the beautiful day in the garden where the sky was blue and the dirt was brown and the plants were green. all of the plants. including the blanket of weeds that covered the garden. how is it that weeds are having no problem springing up everywhere, and yet my green beans are refusing to sprout? on a happy note, though, i do love the smell of hay. even if it doesn't help with the weeds as much as i thought it would (read: it doesn't help at all).

time in the garden is usually spent thinking. today i spent it both thinking and listening to npr. i've been restless lately. as if given the chance i could sprout wings and fly somewhere and be perfectly ready to adjust and live my life. HA. i keep saying that i can't wait to go abroad, to live in a slum where i will be forced to be dependent on God every day for everything. but today i was thinking about how God is really forcing me (emotionally) to depend on Him NOW. i need to remember that i am in desperate need of God always. and that i'm in dc right now because He still has things for me here (like learning to depend on Him, maybe?) and lots of other things too.

like whitney! whitney is here for the summer! and other friends and sister friends are visiting!

and i do love downtown dc in the night, the monuments are incredibly beautiful at night (we need to go downtown at night more).

and i have so many opportunities to serve and love the community around me here and now! and i have a billion more beautiful sunsets to witness from our bedroom window!

God is slowly teaching me to embrace this time of waiting (why is He always trying to teach me patience and why will my stubborn self never learn it?). this time of transition...i'll keep you updated. (i guess i didn't have much to say, i just realized it was halfway through june already...when did that happen?)

(this is just a picture of my weirdo husband. i don't know why, but i am still in love with him.)

i've used a lot of parentheses in this post.

barefoot in the rain.

2010-06-06T21:51:00.004-04:00

today, as i left a vbs meeting after church and walked to the bus, i got caught in a downpour. at first, i was hoping it would let up. but as i continued to walk towards the bus, and as my shoes got increasingly harder to walk in, i slipped them off and walked barefoot. as i did that i thought about how, as a child, one of my favorite summer activities was changing into a bathing suit and running around barefoot in the rain. as i thought about those memories i gradually stopped fighting the rain, lifted my head and felt the cool drops on my cheeks and the puddles on my feet. walking through the streets calmly and happily while the world around me ran for cover. i still like playing in the rain...

in an effort to be real with my readers (and since i'm pretty sure all of you are family and friends) i will tell you this: i have been having a very hard time with self-worth lately. in an effort to preserve boundaries (and force me to seek out real relationship rather than simply confessing to my blog), i will spare you the messy details, but i will say that this is something that i've struggled with off and on since childhood, and it is something that i am not quite sure where it came from (i.e. my parents never made me feel worthless). i recently met with kristen (who was visiting dc) and she encouraged me to begin to ask God what He thinks of me instead of only listening to what i think of me.

i was thinking about this on the way home on the bus today, after walking through the rain. and the desire came upon me to be fully known by God, which is a desire that i have rarely felt, probably because i generally do not want God to know the bad parts of me (as if i can hide them...). and as i thought about this i thought about 1 corinthians 13, specifically verses 8-12, which read:

Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.

i have always loved these verses, but i never quite know what they mean. they always seem kind of random, like paul maybe got sidetracked and forgot what he was talking about. but today, i read them differently. especially the part that reads "now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. now i know in part; then i shall know fully, even as i am fully known."

today, i read this in the context of the rest of the chapter. in the context of love. i think that perhaps paul is saying that now we see but a poor reflection of love, as in a mirror. i believe that our total ability for love comes from God, because God is love, and because love is good and all good things come from God. but because we are humans, this view is skewed. we poorly reflect God's love, because God's love is perfect, and our love is not. but one day we will see face-to-face what real love looks like. now, we only know in part who we are. but then we shall know fully, as we see God and we see ourselves reflect His glory. the good and the bad will be revealed. i long to know fully...and to be fully known.

i'm still a little bit confused as to the child part. i have some ideas, but today all i could think of was how it's a shame that as i've grown into an adult i've held onto the tendency towards feeling worthless rather than the desire to go play barefoot in the rain...

growing.

2010-06-05T22:26:00.003-04:00

i was catching up on perspectives homework the other day and i read this story about hudson taylor, who is one of the "fathers of modern missions". i wanted to share part of it with you.

hudson, soon after being converted was praying that God would use him for His purposes. hudson told God he was willing to do anything, or as he wrote:

...well i do remember, as in unreserved consecration i put myself, my life, my friends, my all, upon the altar, the deep solemnity that came over my soul with the assurance that my offering was accepted. the presence of God became unutterably real and blessed; and though but a child under 16, i remember stretching myself on the ground, and lying there silent before Him with the unspeakable awe and unspeakable joy. for what service i was accepted i knew not; but a deep consciousness that i was no longer my own took possession of me, which has never since been effaced...

well, God wanted hudson to go to china. at that time there was little known about inland china, little written, and very few people had gone there. it was also quite dangrous and it was possible that in accepting this calling, hudson was moving towards his death. never the less, hudson accepted this mission from God, and began looking for information on china. he learned that a local minister had a book about china, and so hudson taylor went to that pastor and asked him if he could borrow the book. this is how taylor recounts that meeting with this pastor:

...i called upon [the pastor] to ask a loan of the book [about china]. this he kindly granted, asking me why i wished to read it. i told him that God had called me to spend my life in missionary service in that land. "and how do you propose to go there?" he inquired. i answered that i did not know; that it seemed to me probably that i should need to do as the twelve and the seventy had done in judea--go without purse or scrip, relying on Him who had called me to supply all my need. kindly placing his hand upon my shoulder, the minister replied, "ah, my boy, as you grow older you will get wiser than that. such an idea would do very well in the days when Christ Himself was on earth, but not now..."

hudson, in this particular essay, then goes on to say this:

"...i have grown older since then, but not wiser. i am more than ever convinced that if we were to take the direction of our Master and the assurances He gave to His first disciples more fully as our guide, we should find them to be just as suited to our times as to those in which they were originally given..."

hudson then went on to found China Inland Mission, which is still operating as Overseas Missionary Fellowship . It was started in 1865 and is still operational today. and a pastor told him that he would grow wiser...

i think my prayer for me, and for all of us as christians, is that we would grow older but not wiser. that we would be willing to radically follow Christ in ways that seem crazy to the world, but normal if we look at them in the context of Christ. may we live in such a way that the world would ask us why, and we would then be able to point them to Christ, and they would understand because they have seen Him in us.