Missing the Point

So here it is. The long promised "real" post about Job, Brennan Manning and God (and it's really long...just a warning).

First a confession: I've never been a fan of Job. When I realized that my "Read Through The Bible: Chronologically" took me there a mere eleven chapters into Genesis I flinched a little and started counting down the twelve days until it would be over.

For those of you who don't know, Job is a book about God taking a bet, of sorts, with Satan. The book starts out with Satan approaching God after "roaming through the earth and going back and forth in it" and God asks Satan if he has thought about the most righteous man upon the earth, Job. Satan then says that Job would curse God's name if he lost everything, and God says try him, just don't kill him. So Satan does. When Job is at his lowest point--after his wife leaves because Job will not "curse God and die"--his friends come around and blame Job for the things that are happening to him. In the end Job asks God why He did it, and God tells him not to question the Almighty about things he won't, can't or shouldn't understand. The reason why I have never liked this book is that it seems so incredibly cruel, and in the end there are no answers. (Kind of like applying for jobs...coincidence?).

It was somewhere in Chapter 19 it hit me. Maybe I'm missing the point of Job. Maybe I get so wrapped up in this "innocent" man suffering at the hand of Satan on a bet with God that I miss the rest of the story. Maybe the story isn't about action or inaction, but rather about reaction. After all, God only speaks for 4 chapters out of 42, the rest of the book is dialogue--glorious poetry of God's greatness and man's weakness and wickedness--between Job and his friends. But the thing that really stuck me is how Job pleads with his friends to have compassion on him, while his friends hold that Job must have done something wicked to be in the situation that he is currently in. As I was reading the other day I realized how familiar Job's friends' thought process was to the excuses commonly made today for not reaching out in compassion towards others. Maybe they should work harder, maybe they should have paid attention in school, maybe they shouldn't take drugs, maybe their dad should have stuck around, maybe, maybe, maybe...

...maybe we don't get what we deserve...

You see, it had already been established that Job was a righteous man. He even sacrificed for sins his sons and daughters might have committed, he took care of the poor and the orphans...he did it all, folks. And yet his friends, looking for a response, can do nothing but blame Job for the trouble that has come upon him. And I can understand this response...being, well, human, I want to find reasons as well. Reasons for suffering and pain. Maybe there isn't always a reason. Maybe the reason for one's suffering and one's pain is to give me the opportunity to sit down and talk about their suffering with them, or to give them a hug.

I am not good at this. In fact, I think more often I act out of guilt rather than joy or compassion. And yesterday was a prime example.

I was walking to an Immigration Policy seminar. Crossing the street, I looked up and under an overhang between two stores was a homeless woman huddled over. She stood up and it looked like she was pulling up her pants. While I was still a few feet away she tossed a bag out onto the sidewalk. It smelled. Really bad. She had just finished using the bathroom. I was confused and sickened as I looked down at my feet and hurried by--unsure of what to do or how to respond.

For the rest of the day I felt guilty. I couldn't stop thinking about this woman--and I still wonder what the correct response should have been. I like to tell myself that I passed quickly by in order to give her her privacy--in order to not embarrass her.

Really? I probably passed by in order to maintain my own privacy--in order not to feel embarrassed myself.

This is where the wonderful prose of Brennan Manning comes in. The Ragamuffin Gospel is about grace. Undeniable, passionate and loving grace. The grace that I so often neglect to give myself or others, let alone accept that maybe Jesus wants to give me (or others) some grace too. I beat myself up, I get angry and I'm confused about the way I am to live my life. Even when it comes to accepting grace I find my journal full of "Why can't you just learn to accept grace!"--a statement hardly full of the grace I should be learning to accept. This is not what Christianity is about...and it's not what Jesus came for. Jesus wants us to experience joy. Not happiness...but rather a joy that cannot be repressed that is evident in all situations--good and bad. This joy comes from knowing there is a Father in Heaven, Savior of the World who loved you...me...everyone. And then this knowledge brings us joy...that joy then moves us to REACT to suffering with love, compassion and awe of the Almighty.

This is an ongoing struggle for me...it's a learning process that I can't learn, that has to be taught to me. My prayer is that I would find joy in the struggle.

Elihu is Job's youngest and wisest friend. He speaks at the end of the book out of, what I perceive, to be compassion and with the full knowledge of the power and greatness of the Almighty. This is one thing that he says:

But those who suffer, He delivers in their suffering;

He speaks to them in their affliction.
(Job 36:15)

Notice God does not take away their suffering, but rather meets them in it.

Grace is found in Job too, when Elihu reminds Job that neither goodness or sin matters to the Almighty. Why would he punish us for things that hurt us far more than Him.

Do you think this is just? You say, "I will be cleared by God." Yet you ask Him, "What profit is it to me, and what do I gain by not sinning?"

I would like to reply to you and to your friends with you. Look up at the heavens and see; gaze at the clouds so high above you. If you sin how does that affect Him? If your sins are many, what does that do to Him? If you are righteous, what do you give to Him, or what does He receive from your hand? Your wickedness affects only a man like yourself, and your righteousness only the sons of men.

While I would also like to point out that our wickedness, as well as our righteousness, can also affect others, I think this is something I need to take to heart. You see, we don't do good works on earth in order to earn brownie points, or to have things go right for us, or to stop feeling guilt. We act out of knowledge and joy (as mentioned earlier). And we're not always going to get things right...and probably seldom will.

...Imagine a little boy trying to help his father with some household work, or making his mother a gift. The help may be nothing more than getting in the way, and the gift may be totally useless, but the love behind it is simple a pure, and the loving response it evokes is virtually uncontrollable. I am sure it is this way between our Abba and us...Our sincere desire counts far more than and specific success or failure...(The Ragamuffin Gospel)

I don't really know what else to say. I didn't mean for this post to go on so long...maybe if I would have written it sooner...

Like I've said already...it's a complicated struggle for me...and my guess is that it will be forever. In the meantime, I have the love and grace of Jesus, whether or not I accept it...thank God...for real.

There are so many beautiful passages in Job and I wish I could share them all with you.

But I can't. So you should read it. But don't miss the many points--all of the beautiful, complicated and life-changing points.

America's Finest News Source.

The Onion makes me laugh. A lot.

(Click on the photograph for full article.)

"According to Pentagon officials, it is likely that the United Nations has already tested the weapon, and may in fact be prepared to deploy it if its demands for global harmony are not met."

To be continued.

This week the beautiful poetry of Job and the stunning prose of Brennan Manning's The Ragamuffin Gospel have been revolutionary for me.

While I promise I will say more later, I leave you with these two thoughts, which have become my constant prayer this week, and for a long time to come:

I put on righteousness as my clothing;
justice was my robe and my turban.
I was eyes to the blind and feet to the lame.
I was a father to the needy;
I took up the case of the stranger,
I broke the fangs of the wicked and
snatched the victims from their teeth.
Job 29:14-17

We must know who we are. How difficult it is to be honest, to accept that I am unacceptable, to renounce self-justification, to give up the pretense that my prayers, spiritual insight, tithing and successes in ministry have made me pleasing to God! No antecedent beauty enamors me in His eyes. I am lovable only because He loves me...The saved sinner with the tilted halo has been converted from mistrust to trust, has arrived at an inner poverty of spirit, and lives as best he or she can in rigorous honesty with self, others, and God.
Brennan Manning, The Ragamuffin Gospel

The longing for righteousness and justice with the acceptance that these things will only come from a sincere love that I have for God so that His love can flow out of me...

To be continued...

Picture Project Post--January 4th-8th

I woke up this morning incredibly ready for baseball season. I'm not really sure why.

Because Diane Rehm's Friday News Roundup lasts two hours, and because I am tired of applying for jobs, you get a picture post. A once a week strategy might result in a picture post with way to many pictures, so I'm thinking I might post twice in a week. We'll play it by ear.

Don't worry, I'll have a more deep, thought out post soon. I just need to tweak it a little bit more.

Let the picture post commence!

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January 4, 2009

5:30 PM: We watched The Visitor, a Christmas gift from Mom and Dad T. It was wonderfully made, insightful and thought-provoking, involving change that was not corny or over-done. It was great.









6:15 PM: And it was the theme of both pictures. We started it around 5:30 and it was still going at 6:15. The only difference was that the popcorn was gone.







January 5, 2009





5:30 PM: Happy Birthday, Luke! Ham casserole, fried okra and corn were on the menu. And cooking up a storm in my tiny kitchen is definitely an adventure.








6:15 PM: And, of course, a cookie cake. Just call me Mrs. Fields! (F.Y.I., the "W" is the sign for the Washington Nationals.)





January 6, 2009





5:30 PM: Dishes and NPR tend to be a theme in the late afternoon for me. Finishing the dishes from breakfast and the dishes from lunch, and cleaning the kitchen before dinner.






6:15 PM: Getting ready to go see my little sister, who is visiting Washington, DC for her JanTerm! Hooray! It was 33 and raining...does it get any more miserable outside? (The answer is no, because at 32 it starts to snow...) But Christie's sunny face was worth it.




January 7, 2009

5:30 PM: As you can tell, I am clearly pleased at sitting behind the computer at 5:30 trying to fill my four job applications a day quota.

6:15 PM: Luke telling me a story. I think this is probably the typical story telling pose. Luke using extensive hand gestures, and I'm trying to figure out where he's going with it. I love story time, though, that's for sure.



January 8, 2009

5:30 PM: Hate to be corny, but this is definitely my favorite part of the day, lately. After going crazy in the apartment by myself its nice to see this face. Sorry it's blury, Luke is on the move, and I had to take the picture fast.













6:15 PM: We got some super cheap coupons for KFC in the mail, so we went to KFC on a date.







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More thoughts soon. After I apply for some more jobs...

Hope Man and Peace Man

I just heard a story on NPR about two friends, one in Israel (Hope Man) and one in Gaza (Peace Man) who blog together. I think that's cool. If you want to check it out you can here:

http://gaza-sderot.blogspot.com/

I've also added them to my "blogs I read" section, so you will see when they update.

Picture Project Post--January 1st-3rd

I decided that instead of posting my Picture Project every day, I'll do one post on Saturday or Sunday with the previous weeks pictures. Here is the first installment. Since I have yet to decide the time, I will post both.

January 1st, 2009

5:30 PM : While talking to my Mother I saw this most gorgeous sky during the sunset.







6:15 PM: A superbly delicious dinner of pork, sour kraut, mashed potatoes, and apple sauce. A good, German New Year's dinner. Apparently pigs are good luck and cabbage signifies wealth. In Germany people believed that if they were rich enough to have a pig left over at the turn of the year they should share their wealth with everyone in a feast--thus the tradition began.

January 2, 2009

5:30 PM: Luke eagerly opens a package that arrived in the mail from Mom T. containing Christmas presents from the Hoffer family. We also got books from Grammy and Walt.











6:15 PM: Our Friday night this week consisted of left overs and a movie on the lap top. This weeks choice was Batman:The Movie (1966).

January 3, 2009

5:30 PM: Luke and I read our letter from our Compassion child, Amiel. He lives in the Philippines and he's so cute.

6:15 PM: Luke and I met my parents at IHOP today to drop off my sister's car while they were on their way home to NC from PA. My mom and my sister had bought me a Disney Princess coloring book. At 6:15 I was finishing my first masterpiece, in honor of Christie, who always played Sleeping Beauty when we imagined that we were princesses when we were little girls.

Like a Flying Frisbee

Today is the first official day of all day job applying. I came up with a complex system of both applying to jobs and keeping myself sane this morning. The system goes something like this: Apply for a job, exercise break, apply for a job, shower break, apply for a job, lunch break, apply for a job, blog break, apply for a job, puzzle break...and on and on it goes. Since Luke and I don't have the money for a gym membership and since I loathe running, excise breaks look something like listening to Diane Rehm while doing jumping jacks/running in place for two minutes, lifting hand weights in various ways for one, and so on for a half hour or so. I'm sure it would be quite amusing to watch.

My goal for job applying is a minimum of four a day--one that I am over qualified for, one that I am underqualified for, and two that I am perfectly qualified for. Ideally I would apply for four jobs that I am perfectly qualified for, but with the job market the way it is right now I think this might be the best I can do. Four job applications a day may be under-achieving for me since I've already applied to three...we'll reassess mid next week.

I don't normally write a post for the sole purpose of displying pictures (unless, of course, it is of our lovely apartment decorations), but Luke and I had such a lovely New Year's Day that I felt I must post them here for all to see. So here it is, New Year's Day 2009 at the Teater house.

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The day started out in an extremely exciting way. Luke was completely out cold. I got out of bed--an act that usually causes him to stir at least a bit--but he didn't move a muscle.

It was probably because of our crazy partying the night before
(this was our "bubbly"--only a dollar at Giant!).

Then we lounged around for a bit.

And like a good woman of German heritage I put the Pork and Sour Kraut in the crock pot
(I LOVE my crock pot, ps).

But the real excitement began when we decided to go play frisbee golf in 35 degree weather.

We were ready to beast the cold.

We went to College Park Maryland where there is a Professional Disc Golf Course.

These people are hard core, y'all.

So we fit in pretty well ;-)

Our hard core frisbee bag.

Our hard core putting skills.

And our hard core putters right where they belong.

Luke can throw pretty far, but sometimes when he's throwing hard he almost falls over.

That was a good one.

A celebration after one of the times I got a lower par than Luke.

The basket was straight back behind all of those trees. This is a picture from the tee. It was a pretty hard course, and completely different from our beloved UNC course. UNC is most definitely better than the University of Maryland. Most definitely. (In every way...)

There was this GIGANTIC stump. The tree must have been ridiculous.


We were happy.


The whole way home.

So that was our New Year's Day. And it was fun.

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We heard a story on NPR about a group of people who decided to take one picture a day at the same time of day for a year. I know this is eerily similar to Abby's 366 project (which was amazing, and I'm sure myt attempt will pale in comparison), but I think I might attempt to do the same thing. For your enjoyment, I will post my pictures on this blog. I'm not sure what time I will do yet, and it will probably take me a couple of days to decide. Here are the two options. The first is from 5:30 last night and the second about 6:15:

The sunset was gorgeous.

And dinner was delicious.

Choices, choices...

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So that's about all I have. No deep thoughts...except for maybe one (you can judge how deep it is...). Sometimes I feel like a frisbee that's just flying willy-nilly through the air waiting to land. Sometimes I curve unexpectedly right, or unexpectedly left. Sometimes I hit trees or fall with a thud to the ground, sometimes I hit the ground and roll or jump. I'm just glad that God has much better throwing skills than I sometimes give Him credit for, and that He knows exactly which way I'll curve and where I'll land. And eventually I will land in the basket where I'm supposed to be. But only when He wants me too.

Off to apply for more jobs!