How Original

It's New Year's Eve and I'm blogging. How original. I feel like I should get in my last post before the end of 2008. Or else.

December has gone by too quickly and I feel like I have so much to say and yet nothing to say all at the same time. North Carolina was good. Almost too good. It's nice to feel at home with two families now. Three, I guess, if you count the family that Luke and I make. Four if you count how wonderful it was to see beautiful, dear friends over break.

I don't often forget how I miss my friends from school. Wonderful women who I could talk with for hours and hours if only there was more time. But being with them makes me remember how good it is to be in community. I desperately needed the lunches that I had with Rachel, Whitney, Kristen, Emily, Kathryn, Liz and Amanda as well as the coffee break with Ashleigh. I needed to talk about the things that were happening in my life and hear about others' lives, I needed to talk about frustrations with people who have the same frustrations and listen to wise words from women who know who I am. It always amazes me how good friends just click, it doesn't matter if it's been 3 minutes or 3 months. I am truly grateful for the women in my life. Not to leave out the strong mother, mother-in-law, grandmothers, aunts and sisters I've been blessed with as well. These women show me what it means to face life and to take it for what it is and follow God into the complexity and uncertainty that lies ahead.

During lunch with Kristen, Rachel and Whitney we were talking about, well, everything, and the subject came around to grad school and the future. While discussing what I quite possibly want to do with my life I made the comment that I wasn't sure if I could be a case manager forever, since I feel things very intensely. All three of my friends burst out laughing and Kristen said "That might just be the understatement of the year...And that's why we love you." It was good to hear that...and I'm not sure why. I don't know if it's because so often I feel foolish for the tears that come to my eyes when I think about the women at Polaris or see someone shivering on the street when I have nothing to offer. Or maybe it's just because I've felt so lost in emotion that it was good to hear that it's okay because that's part of who I am. Whatever the reason, it was good to hear.

Christmas was full of laughter and excitement. I really love Christmas at my house because it isn't filled with "Oh, I want to open this present next!" but rather "Please open the present from me next!" The giving is so much more exciting than the receiving. I hope that my children are the same way. Christmas was also full of music and yummy cooking. When I first started this post (it took me several days to finish) I was sitting on the couch while my father, Christie and Katie were in the living room singing selections from The Messiah, while my mother was creating delicious treats in the kitchen. It was good to be back in Mebane for awhile.

I hope you all had a joyous Christmas, as well, and are enjoying this New Year's Eve. I still find myself struck by Christmas and what it all means. I understand Jesus coming down to Earth for us...but I'm still not sure what implications it has for my life. I once heard Scott Bessenecker (the leader of Global Urban Trek and an author for InterVarsity Press) say that Jesus' first cry of solidarity with the poor was his first cry as a baby, implying two things: (first) that we, as humans, are all poor and (second) that because Jesus showed solidarity with us we must also show solidarity with each other.

I have a confession: I don't know what solidarity looks like.

When we say unity and/or solidarity...what does that really mean? And when people are supposed to know that we are Christians by our love...what is love? True, hardcore, Godly love. The way Jesus loved. And, on top of that, how do we pursue such love if we are never going to be perfect lovers of humanity. Not only that but love gets mixed up and meshed together here in our imperfect world. Love tends to mean tolerance and support lately...and yet Jesus showed us love by becoming like us, living among us and dying for us...all the while identifying sin for what it is and calling people to holiness and perfection...

I find myself more and more reluctant to use the word "home" lately. I can feel at home with people, but for some reason no place feels like home any more. I don't quite fit in Mebane, and I definitely don't fit in DC yet. I was talking to Luke about it and he said "That's because Earth isn't our home." I think it's a profound concept. It's something I've heard a lot, but never quite felt until recently, but it's true. The things I long for...community with all, where all is fair and all people are taken care of, where complexity is gone and truth is known...these are things that will not be truly present until heaven. We work towards them now, but live in a constant "already, but not yet" state until Christ returns and all is made right again. So we work towards a Heavenly Kingdom, where brokenness is no longer felt, we pray to be made as whole as possible and serve others so that they may become whole by the grace of God. And we wait for that glorius day when all will be made right. And it will be glorious.

2008 was a crazy year. Crazy, but wonderful. Full of questions, frustrations and anger met with God's provision, grace and mercy. Full of God knocking me on my back and picking me up...but also teaching me to be patient because in some things I'm still waiting for Him to pick me up, dust me off and help me learn to walk again. I know He will though, He is good, always (I need to write that now so when I can't find a job and I'm frustrated I'll read this blog and remember...). I'm thankful that God is the same yesterday, today and tomorrow...and I look forward to learning more about how I relate to such a Constant Being and how I can learn to serve Him better, always.

Happy New Year, everyone!