long.

the rain is falling hard outside. every once in awhile there is the quiet rumble of thunder. the rain speaks to my soul tonight in voices that i haven't heard in quite some time. in ways that i can't explain, but rather feel somewhere in the deep corners of my heart.

i've learned, in the past week, especially, how important communication is and what a beautiful art it can be when it is not lost in the meaningless lines of texts, aim, facebook, blogs and other forms of modern-day communication--where words are flippantly sent out without consequence, and the body language or depth and tone of voice is easily lost, wrongly interpreted and simply absent. what are we becoming?

and yet, recently, every aspect of my life seems to be some how devoured in silence.

not even the phone rings tonight. and i don't dare turn on music, lest the quiet voices of the rain stop speaking.

tonight there are no mice and no ants, just bugs flying around the office. big brown bugs and little tiny knats. who knows where they come from or why they are here. and if they could think they would probably wonder the same thing about me.

tonight i am unbearably homesick.

we read the play endgame by samuel beckett in my first year drama class with professor strong. lately, i've remembered how wonderful the last monologue by clov, one of the actors on stage is...

...They said to me, That's love, yes, yes, not a doubt, now you see how...How easy it is. They said to me, That's friendship, yes, yes, no question, you've found it. They said to me, Here's the place, stop, raise your head and look at all that beauty. That order! They said to me, Come now, you're not a brute beast, think upon these things and you'll see how all becomes clear. And simple! They said to me, What skilled attention they get, all these dying of their wounds...I say to myself— sometimes... you must learn to suffer better than that if you want them to weary of punishing you— one day. I say to myself—sometimes, Clov, you must be better than that if you want them to let you go—one day. But I feel too old, and too far, to form new habits. Good, it'll never end, I'll never go...Then one day, suddenly, it ends, it changes, I don't understand, it dies, or it's me, I don't understand that either. I ask the words that remain— sleeping, waking, morning, evening. They have nothing to say...I open the door of the cell and go. I am so bowed I only see my feet, if I open my eyes, and between my legs a little trail of black dust. I say to myself that the earth is extinguished, though I never saw it lit...It's easy going...When I fall I'll weep for happiness...

don't worry, friends. it's not all bad, and i know this. i've been homesick before. i've felt silence before. i've struggled with identity before. and i've (shock) bemoaned the present condition of society as a whole and the general direction that it's headed before. and i know that while sadness lasts sometimes for what seems like ridiculously long periods of time, really unfailing love, comfort and joy are soon to follow.

and really, my sadness is of a selfish nature...

additionally, pearls before swine have been delightfully funny the past 13 days. I was trying to figure out my favorite one. I think I have to go with this one:

But really, they are all so funny, you should just go and read them here.

I'll admit, my journal entries of late have been a strange mixture of both Pig's and Rat's...

The original intent of this post was to leave you with some beach pictures--without, of course, giving away any of the picture of the day secrets, which will most likely be posted tomorrow...or some other time this week. So, I will leave you with those. Besides, I should get back to work.

I took over 400 pictures throughout the week...it's kind of hard to choose the favorites...after I do my picture post I'll give you the link so you can see the rest of them...ha! all 400...most of which are not of any interest at all...

My dad graduated from his doctorate program on May 16 and we were all so proud of him.

This is pretty typical sister time. Jenny and I lashing out in goofy displays and Katie and Christie beautifully tolerating us and laughing along. I really love my sisters.

Three of the sisters on the ferry to Ocracoke Island with wind-blown hair.
We saw two light houses that day. And some beautiful displays of oceanic power.

While we had two cloudy and rainy days, we also had several sunny days. I took this picture with my eyes closed and I was a little bit proud at how well it turned out.

Since we were at the Outter Banks we were pleasantly situated within walking distance of both the ocean and the sound. Both of which provided magnificent sunrises (pictured above) and sunsets (pictured below). The picture displayed with my heading is my little sister, Jenny, in the water during one such sunset.

(It looks like we're standing in front of a backdrop!)

As a surprise, the members of the church threw my dad a surprise happy graduation party. It was a complete surprise to my father, who was both delighted and incredibly surprised. It takes a humble man to walk into a party for him and not realize that it's a party for him until the crowd applauds him. I really love my dad (and my mom, too, I just don't have a picture of her except above...I could have mentioned it then, too.)

There were never such devoted sisters...

I'm not going to lie, I feel much better now, after getting out of my own head. Maybe I will turn on some bluegrass after all.

I hope everyone is sleeping peacefully...

...wow that was a long post...i've thought about editing out parts of it...to make it shorter...and as not to appear as dark and morbid as i do...

...but, it all fits. weariness and searching with the knowledge of joy and comfort in the future...

so i'll leave it. and send it out into space.