"no one has ever accused me of being gentle" i told my spiritual director. "maybe i need to work on that." i sighed and added another thing to my list.
"no," she said softly, "you need to be gentled."
i've lived a life of exasperation these past few weeks. anger at work, frustration in relationships, sadness with clients. all of these have added to a load that i feel has grown quite heavy. on top of that God has been humbling me in so many ways...showing me my brokenness when i just want to blame others for theirs, making me face my judgmental attitudes head on.
i am so broken. and as i listen to beloved music during this advent season i find myself longing for Emmanuel to come, for the bells to answer me that the wrong shall fail and right prevail. this place, this world, is. so. broken.
and i'm homesick. i am longing for a new heaven and a new earth. and to be gentled.
but here i am. in a broken world. living broken. and (sometimes unfortunately) it is not my personality to back down.
but this Messiah that i long for and anxiously await made a promise for the time being. the waiting period.
" come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. for My yoke is easy and my burden is light."
sometimes being gentle and humble are scary. it's a loss of control and a loss of the right to be correct and even (at least it feels sometimes...) a loss of justice. but really it is placing the trust that all will be cared for in the hands of whom it belongs.
for now, i will allow Him to gentle me.
but my heart still longs for Emmanuel to come.
"no," she said softly, "you need to be gentled."
i've lived a life of exasperation these past few weeks. anger at work, frustration in relationships, sadness with clients. all of these have added to a load that i feel has grown quite heavy. on top of that God has been humbling me in so many ways...showing me my brokenness when i just want to blame others for theirs, making me face my judgmental attitudes head on.
i am so broken. and as i listen to beloved music during this advent season i find myself longing for Emmanuel to come, for the bells to answer me that the wrong shall fail and right prevail. this place, this world, is. so. broken.
and i'm homesick. i am longing for a new heaven and a new earth. and to be gentled.
but here i am. in a broken world. living broken. and (sometimes unfortunately) it is not my personality to back down.
but this Messiah that i long for and anxiously await made a promise for the time being. the waiting period.
" come to Me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. take My yoke upon you and learn from Me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. for My yoke is easy and my burden is light."
sometimes being gentle and humble are scary. it's a loss of control and a loss of the right to be correct and even (at least it feels sometimes...) a loss of justice. but really it is placing the trust that all will be cared for in the hands of whom it belongs.
for now, i will allow Him to gentle me.
but my heart still longs for Emmanuel to come.
No comments:
Post a Comment