whirlybird butterflies

"this is for you," he said, thrusting the flower into my face. "be careful," he said, "it's fragile. do you know what it's called?"

"no..." i replied, looking up cautiously from my book into the clear, sad eyes of the man who had awkwardly approached me at the bus stop.

"it's called a whirlybird butterfly flower. it's for you. and you can keep it, but i am homeless and it would be nice if you could spare a dollar..." he trailed off a bit, as if he was ashamed to be asking.

"i just so happen to have a dollar," i said. i stood up to rummage in my bottomless purse. but i paused, stuck out my hand and said "i'm elisabeth."

he kind of looked at my hand for a second, and then he looked at me and back at my hand, as if he was confused. he leaned in a little bit and took my hand, "michael."

as a fished for my wallet, michael leaned in a little bit more and handed me another flower, "this," he began, i looked up to meet his eyes, and he looked away shyly, "this one is for your name."

i found my wallet, and as i pulled it out and handed him the dollar i had in my wallet i made some awkward conversation, not sure if i was helping put him at ease or making him more uncomfortable, "are you down here often, michael?"

he shifted, "well, i'm homeless, so..."

"oh, yeah, i mean, do you hang out around the downtown area?"

"yeah, i sleep on the mall and stuff...where are you from?"

"i live in dc," i said, differentiating myself from the billions of tourists who were wandering around chinatown.

"oh, really? what do you do?" he asked.

"i'm unemployed..."

michael for the first time looked into my eyes and thrust the dollar back into my hand. "you need this, too!" he said.

"oh, no, you can have it, you gave me a flower." i said, and then went on to weakly, and in retrospect, unnecessarily, explain that my husband had a job, and i was lucky in that respect.

"well, i hope you like your flowers." michael replied, and he walked away.

he left me with two flowers and a whole lot to think about. as luke and i move closer and closer into solidarity with the poor and marginalized, this situation led me to think about what it really looks like to stand in solidarity with the poor. i will never be poor. i will always have a loving family to return to, who is able to support me in any way they possibly can. this is one of the blessings i have been given. but i was thinking about what ways i can and should identify with the poor, and what things will always separate me from them. these separations are things i will need to acknowledge and accept before we can truly thrive in the communities where God has and will lead us. i would be kidding myself and our current and future neighbors if i acted as if we were monetary equals. it would be, in some ways, making light of their situation. instead, i need to embrace my background, my privilege and my monetary wealth, and willingly lay it down at the feet of Christ in order to go fully to those with whom i wish to serve.

i was thinking about how absurd this all is, and how i'm not sure what it all looks like. i was thinking about what distinctions are necessary for me to make and which ones are not. for example, was it necessary that i tell michael that my husband had a job? it's true, i am not homeless because luke has an amazing job. that is a point of separation. but did that help or hurt our communication? and i'm not sure.

all of this thinking led me to Jesus (rightly so) and how He came down to us to identify with us. as craig puts it "Jesus moved from the most exclusive gated community in the universe to go to the worst ghetto in the world..." He was fully God and fully man, and yet the fact that He was fully God did not separate Him from us. Jesus spent His time holding children, touching lepers, hanging out with prostitutes and healing every kind of brokenness. He did not shy away from confronting sin or demons. He always did what was right. He loved people, and He did not let the fact that He was God get in the way. He identified with people in ways that they didn't know was possible. He spoke to their heart issues with words that they had never before heard.

i wonder what my own interaction with michael looked like to Jesus? i've thought through our interaction several times. how to michael my name was just as important to him as a dollar. how confused he looked when i held out my hand to him. i wonder how long it has been since someone had shaken his hand or asked him for his name. how long it had been since someone had looked at him like he wasn't invisible. and then if i ruined our own fragile interactions by pointing out that i am monetarily secure, and he is not.

i know that i am not nor will i ever be Jesus. but i want Jesus to love people through me. i have a long way to go before i am poured out enough to let Jesus fill me and overflow me with His perfect love. but one fragile whirlybird butterfly flower at a time, He is showing me what it is like to be human and to identify with and love the humans around me.

once upon a time.

we once had a bird feeder that was held by suction cups to our living room window. it was bright green and we were afraid that it would fall off, so we never kept it more than half full of bird seed at a time. birds never came to it. we waited and waited for months and they never came. then one day, after a very bad day, i came home to find it shattered on the drive outside our apartment building. i cried and luke gave me a hug and said that it would be okay.

last week i decided to put some birdseed on the ledge outside our window to see if the birds would come and eat. they did. and now, every once in a while, when the windows are open, i hear little chirps and cracking noises and i look up to see little sparrows sitting outside our window.

luke and i have been memorizing Bible verses recently. our first goal is to memorize philippians. i have a hard time with memorizing verses because as i read them, instead of memorizing them i think about what they mean to me, to the way i act, think and talk, to the way i go about my life. this happened when i came across philippians 1:7, which reads "being confident in this, that He who began a good work in you will carry it on to completion until the day of Christ Jesus." i realize that the significance this has on my life is twofold. first, that God DID start a good work in me (even though, especially recently, i have not felt as such) and that second He will carry it on to completion (an argument for patience, yes?).

i also must realize that this is not only a promise in me, but a promise for the world. luke showed me this article yesterday, and i haven't been able to stop thinking about it since. and when i think about it i cry.

my heart aches for His justice and for His mercy. for a time when they will reign together in perfect harmony. for His kingdom to come.

i know that i haven't written much recently. i have hardly written about our weekend with servants to asia's urban poor in oklahoma city. honestly, i think it was too good to put into words. but there we sang songs of justice to God. i've been singing one in my head recently, so i will close with that.

o, this night is dark indeed
while we're waiting for the light
for the nations to be judged
and the powers to be put to shame
o, Lord, spare Your poor,
save our soul
from our violence, oppression, fear and anxiety

although i am weeping
Lord help me keep sowing
seeds for the day when Your
peace will arise with the dawn.
when the bombs we are dropping
and the guns that keep firing
melts in the face of the just
as Your kingdom comes

now i sow in tears
that one day i might weep with joy
when the mountains will drip with wine
and we beat, beat, beat our swords into plowshares

name this guy...

...and i will most definitely consider you one of the coolest people ever. (luke! don't ruin it!)

i'm such a housing nerd (hint!). i got pretty giddy after this photo was taken...some people have movie stars, i have political figures (i'm making this way to easy...).

more to come about nlihc's 2010 conference!

cop out.

i have lots of thoughts, but not many words.

oklahoma city was wonderful. too wonderful. we talked about Jesus all weekend. about how He loves the poor. those on the outskirts of society. we talked about how we can best love them, too. and how Jesus has this plan for an upside-down kingdom, where the powerless are powerful and the powerful are powerless. and where both justice and mercy reign, because even though they seem like opposites, our God is great enough to encompass both of them perfectly. we sang songs together about this kingdom coming to earth. about justice and mercy. beautiful concepts of a beautiful God.

this morning i taught my 3rd-5th graders sunday school. one boy did not want to come with me, because "all the little kids do is get to watch movies and color, we have to learn bible verses". "okay," i told him. "we were going to go outside today, but if you want to color we can do that instead..." "no," he replied, "i want to go outside." "good," i said, "first we have to learn our memory verse."

i've learned that when things seem messed up or when i feel out of place a look at a sunrise or a sunset (depending on my mood...) can have the most calming effect. God gives us beautiful sunsets out of our windows...

cherry blossoms

the cherry blossoms have arrived in dc. that means warmer weather, pretty flowers and lots of tourists! but today we braved the tourists and went downtown. the beautiful flowers are too pretty for me not to share with those of you who can't make it to see them in person. plus, the green and white of the trees and the blue sky came together in a perfect burst of color. we have such an artistic God.

("hey, wifey, take a picture of me licking the jefferson memorial...")

one thing that is really cool about spring and summers in dc is that this city comes alive. and i don't mean the tourists. there are always lots and lots of tourists. i mean the citizens. suddenly there are people picnicking around the waterfront, bureaucrats and lobbyists playing kickball on the mall, and senators kayaking on the potomac (okay, so i don't know about that last one...). but today the green grass was filled with people just lounging, watching their children run around barefoot or climb trees. the city was alive.
yes, there are some days when i am happy to live in this place.

go on up to the mountain of mercy...

it was not a good day. it was one of those days where nothing really goes wrong, but even less goes right. frustration abounds until it bubbles up and makes you do and say things that just end up making you feel guilty and then more frustrated. but God is good. and for some reason, this morning i woke up with this song in my head. and i needed it in my head all day, because it reminds me of His grace.

go on up to the mountain of mercy
to the crimson perpetual tide
kneel down at the shore
be thirsty no more
go under, and be purified

follow Christ to the Holy mountain
sinner, sorry and wrecked by the fall
cleanse your heart and your soul
in the fountain that flows
for you and for me and for all

at the wonderful, tragic, mysterious tree
on that beautiful, scandalous night, you and me
were atoned by His blood and forever washed white
on that beautiful, scandalous night

on the hillside you will be delivered
at the foot of the cross, justified
and your spirit restored
by the river that pours
from our blessed Savior's side

at the wonderful, tragic, mysterious tree
on that beautiful, scandalous night, you and me
were atoned by His blood and forever washed white
on that beautiful, scandalous night

You carry the sin of mankind on Your back
and the sky went black
go on up to the mountain of mercy
to the crimson perpetual tide
kneel down on the shore
be thirsty no more
go under and be purified

at the wonderful, tragic, mysterious tree
on that beautiful, scandalous night, you and me
were atoned by His blood and forever washed white
on that beautiful, scandalous night
on that beautiful, scandalous night
beautiful, scandalous, miraculous night

thinking out.

i made 12 dozen cookies last night and one pan of brownies. we took them all to church today on the bus for the lunch fellowship we have every week after the service. we went to bed and woke up smelling the sweet aromas of baked goods. it was delightful.

the cherry blossoms and daffodils are blooming all across dc. it's beautiful, and it makes running and walking everywhere much nicer. it's also considerably warmer, which also helps.


it's wrestle-mania night tonight. we saw in the free metro paper that the undertaker is apparently making a big showing tonight. our neighbor is a big fan of the undertaker, and so are all of his friends. they like to cheer so loudly that we can often hear them all the way back in our bedroom.

we've been thinking about our situation lately. about the bus, about our neighbors, about our neighborhood. i think God is reminding us of our dependence on and interconnectedness with others. i think this will be key as we move on to the next step in our lives.

we're headed to oklahoma this weekend to hear about what God is doing in the slums and how we might join Him. we'll see.

some days are filled with life and laughter. others, not so much. most of the time, i have no idea what God is doing. but i feel like we're on the brink of something big here. and i'm ready to jump...if only i knew where...