it is well.

it's been a pretty crazy week.

busyness-wise, thoughtfulness-wise, struggling-wise...

for some reason i've been overwhelmed with thoughts recently. as luke and i begin to seriously look and pray about where God wants us to go abroad i have been suddenly overwhelmed with what i'm giving up. as many of my married friends look into stability, houses, pets and jobs, i am looking for slums, margins and countries. i've been overwhelmed with what it means to even be thinking about heading to a different country. about what it means to give my entire life over to God in a way that means trusting Him in a completely out-of-control kind of way, and asking (or some would say forcing...) my family to do the same.

i've been hit with the unexplainable desire for a job, a dog and a white picket fence these past couple of days. things that i thought i had come to terms with not having--or at least waiting for. but now that the goal timeline is set, the Perspectives class is in full motion and the prayers are becoming more focused, it seems like the battle is on as well.

all of these thoughts were swarming through my head as i got up early on tuesday morning to make cookies. after my quiet time i decided to spend the time cookie baking in prayer and singing hymns. and this is what i sang:

when peace like a river, attendeth my way,
when sorrows like sea billows roll;
whatever my lot, Thou hast taught me to say,
it is well, it is well, with my soul.

it is well, with my soul,
it is well, with my soul,
it is well, it is well, with my soul.

though satan should buffet, though trials should come,
let this blest assurance control,
that Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
and hath shed His own blood for my soul.

my sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
my sin, not in part but the whole,
is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
praise the Lord, praise the Lord, o my soul!

and Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
the clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
the trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
even so, it is well with my soul.

and while i have so many thoughts bursting through my mind and heart right now i will leave it as this--i long for this song to be the prayer i constantly pray --a prayer of longing, of contentment, of knowledge and of thanksgiving.