wait, what did He say?

simon peter answered Him, "Lord, to whom shall we go?
You have the words of eternal life.
we believe and know that You are the Holy One of God."
-john 6:68-69

today i can almost hear the pressure of these words, and maybe even a hint of disappointment, in peter's voice as he answers Jesus' question: "are you going to leave me, too?'", as he realizes what he is saying--maybe even not until it was out of his mouth. as he realizes that he is pledging his life to this Man who peter knows is the Messiah, but who just told the crowd that in order to become One with Him they must essentially practice cannibalism (they did not yet understand what Jesus meant when He said "you must eat of Me, the Bread of Life" like we understand the symbolism today). i do not know if this is emotion that i am placing on simon peter this morning, or if he is reacting as i think he is. frustrated and confused at the teaching he has just heard, but sure that the Truth is standing before him, and that this Truth is the only Truth. angry that Jesus would say such things, but knowing that there was something more to it, that these upsetting word had the power of life that were worthy of death. i imagine the 12 standing in a line in front of the crowd as the crowd turns to leave--unable to find truth in what Jesus has just said. i imagine them looking behind them to see if they are alone, then looking at each other, wondering what the next move will be--if they should stay and be counted as crazy (or cannibals...imagine the rumors going around about this group...) or leave. the question is fresh in their minds when Jesus confronts them with it (just as He does so many times) and asks them to make a choice. when simon peter--impulsive, brash, simon peter--speaks up and says for the 12 "of course we're not going to leave you". and as he says this, i'm sure the 11 look at him, and then maybe it dawns on him, too, the implications of what he has just said. the knowledge that what he said is true, and the uncanny feeling that this now means everything and that their lives will never be the same. (i also imagine some of them checking one more time to make sure there was nobody left to hear this outrageous claim that they would all follow...). this morning i understand these feelings. confused at Jesus' teachings and what it means for me, but sure they are the Truth, and sure that if they are the Truth they are worth everything. even if i'm not sure what "everything" entails quite yet...welcome to an adventure.