on cupcakes and meekness.

i've decided to apply for a job here:

not really, but I do think it would be cool to work there. And I do love cake. I had this conversation with my little sister today:

me: i am debating whether or not to make cupcakes this afternoon...i want to try to make red velvet cupcakes, but we just finished the cupcakes i made for the super bowl yesterday and so i don't know if i should make more sweets...especially since we haven't been able to run since last thursday
Jenny: my vote is: make cupcakes.
me: always make cupcakes

and so, heeding jenny's excellent advice, i made cupcakes. i made red velvet cupcakes with cream cheese icing as i listened to folk music and looked out the window at the snow.

i'm having a bit of an identity crisis. i'm not really sure what it looks like to be who i am and where i'm at. oh, don't worry. it's nothing serious. i just feel the need to take a serious look at my life and figure out who i am and what i enjoy apart from comparing myself to others...


i'm reading scott bessenecker's new book how to inherit the earth and he talks about what it means to be meek in the context of knowing exactly who you are and being comfortable with that so that out of that comfortable place of knowing you are God's child you can serve others without agenda or self-interest.

in john 13, john tells the story of Jesus washing the disciples feet. here's what it says:

...having loved His own who were in the world, he know showed them the full extent of His love. The evening meal was being served, and the devil had already prompted judas iscariot, son of simon, to betray Jesus. Jesus knew that the Father has put all things under His power, and that He had come from God and was returning to God; so He got up from the meal, took off His outer clothing, and wrapped a towel around His waist...

Jesus knew exactly who He was and exactly where His power was coming from. He didn't have to prove anything to anybody. so, out of perfect love for His disciples--the kind of love that can flow out of being perfectly in line with God--He washed their feet. He served them all, even the one who was to betray Him. even the one that He should have hated.

i was thinking about all of this tonight as luke and i walked up to ft. totten park and sat on the hill in the snow an watched the sunset. what would it look like to have all of my questions about who i am answered by God alone? i was thinking about all of the different ways that i get my confirmation about who i am and not try to please or be like others. if i could be perfectly in step with God and therefore love others with perfect love, not out of a self-serving agenda to look humble or merciful or good. i realize that this is probably not attainable on this earth...but what would it look like to know who i am enough to be confident in myself and who i am as God's child?

i really like the concept of lent, and lent is coming up, starting on wednesday. i was thinking about the things that get in the way...the different things that block my relationship from God; places where i waste time or seek for approval from others. i've decided that the internet is huge. and so for lent (and possibly beyond) i'm going to set up some boundaries. i'm toying with the idea of no internet after work, except for maybe blogging on certain days, and doing my perspectives homework online. there will probably be some exceptions, such as movie watching or tv watching with luke, maybe pandora listening. but some things have to go, like facebook and excessive email and blog checking...these things fill my head with wishes of who i want to be or who i should be...i'm not sure what it will all look like, but i'll let you know as i figure it all out.

one thing i do know for sure is that i do love making cupcakes...