Sometimes James Taylor sings to my soul.
Driving to work this morning I passed a group of homeless men sitting in the corner of North Capitol and Florida. I've seen them before, even talked to a few of them. Today I didn't want to look and I didn't want to see them and I didn't want them to see me. I don't know if it's more painful that I can't do anything to help or that sometimes I don't want to anymore.
Nevertheless, I looked straight ahead, ignoring them to my left and later the man to my right walking by me asking for change.
Yeah, I want change too, buddy. I want change, too.
Luke and I were talking about an article he read about the Obamas looking for a church. Apparently a lot of Pastors really want Barack Obama to come to their church. On one hand it's understandable. On the other hand, I don't know why you would want someone coming to your church who publicly doesn't tithe.
On my way home from a Pre-K classroom in SE this morning Carolina on My Mind came on. I fought the urge to take 395 South instead of 395 North. And then, accidentally (or maybe not so much...) I missed a turn and ended up on 395 South anyways. As I turned around in Alexandria and got back on 395 North I got stuck in traffic. I missed my exit and got lost again since someone would not let me over. And a disturbing thought crossed my mind:
Maybe I don't dislike the idea of living in the suburbs as much as I think I do.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
Tuesday, April 21, 2009
Picture Post, April 11-April 21
Today was a beautiful day. Sunny and warm and the perfect kind of day for bluegrass music, open windows and long walks. I tried to garden this morning, but I after putting on my overalls and gardening shoes and walking to the community garden, I realized that I didn't have the combination to the shed. I played in the dirt for awhile and then headed home. Nothing too productive, but fun, nonetheless. I'm excited to actually start gardening, though...just to see where it will get me.
I went back to the Botanical Gardens this afternoon and walked around and took more pictures and smelled the flowers. I sat for awhile and listened to the water. Then I walked around the outside part. There was some kind of protest going on in front of the Capitol Building. Sitting in the garden I realized how many people in suits walked through the garden without stopping to look at the flowers. I hope I never become one of those people who doesn't stop to look at the flowers.
Now the storm clouds are rolling in. I actually prefer it this way. A sunny day to spend walking around outside and then falling asleep so the rain tapping on the windows.
I realize that it's been quite some time since I have posted my pictures of the week, so there are a lot posted below...
I went back to the Botanical Gardens this afternoon and walked around and took more pictures and smelled the flowers. I sat for awhile and listened to the water. Then I walked around the outside part. There was some kind of protest going on in front of the Capitol Building. Sitting in the garden I realized how many people in suits walked through the garden without stopping to look at the flowers. I hope I never become one of those people who doesn't stop to look at the flowers.
Now the storm clouds are rolling in. I actually prefer it this way. A sunny day to spend walking around outside and then falling asleep so the rain tapping on the windows.
I realize that it's been quite some time since I have posted my pictures of the week, so there are a lot posted below...
_____________________________________
April 11, 2009: Luke and I started our goal of riding all of the Metro lines from one end to the other nonstop. Last Saturday we rode the Red Line all the way from Ft. Totten to Glenmont to Shady Grove and back to Ft. Totten. It took about 3 hours. It was cheap entertainment ($1.35 each) for a Saturday afternoon...and it was interesting to see different people and the places that the Metro can take us.
April 12, 2009: Sunrise service at the Lincoln Memorial. I like this picture was pretty cool because you can see the sun casting it's glow on the people worshiping and the moon at the same time.
April 13, 2009: Another picture my cherished dandelion bouquet.
April 14, 2009: Basically, I spend Tuesday's sleeping. A friend from small group who works the night shift as a nurse gave me an over-night shift survival bag, which included this sleeping mask. It will take some time to get used to, though. I had trouble sleeping with something on my face! Luke and I also met Mom T. for dinner at a pizza place in the city. She was in town for a Red Cross conference. The pizza was so good, and so was our little chocolate lava cake dessert!
April 15, 2009: Rain, Rain go away, come again another day...Luke and Betsey want to go to a Nationals Baseball Game...Rain, Rain go away...the rain didn't go away, but it did mean that we got to see Mom T. one more time. She came over for dinner.
April 16, 2009: The rain cleared, and it was a beautiful day. But instead of taking a picture of the pretty day, I have a goofy picture of my husband "eating" a delicious dinner from Tony's Villa before I headed off for an overnight shift. When you come to visit, we'll go to Tony's. It's delicious. And cheap.
April 17, 2009: It was a week for parents. Mom and Dad S. came in for the weekend. Dad drove in, and Mom found a cheap one-way airplane ticket. Here we were waiting for her flight to come in, and checking out the map posted on the board.
April 18, 2009: Our aforementioned trip to the Botanical Gardens. It was the most beautiful day! 76 degrees and sunny. We had a grand time exploring DC, topped off with a trip to see the Capitol Steps.
April 19, 2009: After saying good by to Mom and Dad S. Luke and I headed to our first Nationals game of the season! We thought we were going to win, but the Marlin's late-game rally earned us another loss...it also sent about half the team back to the minors (oops!). The game was fun, nonetheless.
April 20, 2009: It was an incredibly gloomy day on all fronts. But the flowers that my dad brought me when they came to visit, added to the flowers from Luke when he got home from work brightened my day right up (for the most part...). Flowers remind me that there is beauty even when the world looks bleak. That's why I like having them all around...well, one of the reasons.
April 21, 2009: As I mentioned, the perfect day for overalls and garden shoes. And thanks to the rain yesterday and the sun today everything looked beautifully green.
April 11, 2009: Luke and I started our goal of riding all of the Metro lines from one end to the other nonstop. Last Saturday we rode the Red Line all the way from Ft. Totten to Glenmont to Shady Grove and back to Ft. Totten. It took about 3 hours. It was cheap entertainment ($1.35 each) for a Saturday afternoon...and it was interesting to see different people and the places that the Metro can take us.
April 12, 2009: Sunrise service at the Lincoln Memorial. I like this picture was pretty cool because you can see the sun casting it's glow on the people worshiping and the moon at the same time.
April 13, 2009: Another picture my cherished dandelion bouquet.
April 14, 2009: Basically, I spend Tuesday's sleeping. A friend from small group who works the night shift as a nurse gave me an over-night shift survival bag, which included this sleeping mask. It will take some time to get used to, though. I had trouble sleeping with something on my face! Luke and I also met Mom T. for dinner at a pizza place in the city. She was in town for a Red Cross conference. The pizza was so good, and so was our little chocolate lava cake dessert!
April 15, 2009: Rain, Rain go away, come again another day...Luke and Betsey want to go to a Nationals Baseball Game...Rain, Rain go away...the rain didn't go away, but it did mean that we got to see Mom T. one more time. She came over for dinner.
April 16, 2009: The rain cleared, and it was a beautiful day. But instead of taking a picture of the pretty day, I have a goofy picture of my husband "eating" a delicious dinner from Tony's Villa before I headed off for an overnight shift. When you come to visit, we'll go to Tony's. It's delicious. And cheap.
April 17, 2009: It was a week for parents. Mom and Dad S. came in for the weekend. Dad drove in, and Mom found a cheap one-way airplane ticket. Here we were waiting for her flight to come in, and checking out the map posted on the board.
April 18, 2009: Our aforementioned trip to the Botanical Gardens. It was the most beautiful day! 76 degrees and sunny. We had a grand time exploring DC, topped off with a trip to see the Capitol Steps.
April 19, 2009: After saying good by to Mom and Dad S. Luke and I headed to our first Nationals game of the season! We thought we were going to win, but the Marlin's late-game rally earned us another loss...it also sent about half the team back to the minors (oops!). The game was fun, nonetheless.
April 20, 2009: It was an incredibly gloomy day on all fronts. But the flowers that my dad brought me when they came to visit, added to the flowers from Luke when he got home from work brightened my day right up (for the most part...). Flowers remind me that there is beauty even when the world looks bleak. That's why I like having them all around...well, one of the reasons.
April 21, 2009: As I mentioned, the perfect day for overalls and garden shoes. And thanks to the rain yesterday and the sun today everything looked beautifully green.______________________________
That's all for now, folks. I have lots of thoughts, but not a lot of words. A song just came on my Pandora bluegrass song called "Rock and Roll". The chorus goes "Jesus is my rock and my name's on the role..." It's a good one.
Speaking of singing, I'll leave you with a story...
The other day Luke was in the bedroom and I was sitting in the living room. Luke started singing one of his made-up songs (I'll interrupt here to tell you that I really love his made-up songs) and I asked him what he was doing (because usually some activity sparks his song...). He said "I'm singin'." A couple minutes later it got really quiet in the bedroom. I called back again "What are you doing?" And he responded "Thinkin' about singin'!" I don't know if that was funny to anyone else, but it made me smile. And in some strange way it kind of characterizes our home.
Speaking of singing, I'll leave you with a story...
The other day Luke was in the bedroom and I was sitting in the living room. Luke started singing one of his made-up songs (I'll interrupt here to tell you that I really love his made-up songs) and I asked him what he was doing (because usually some activity sparks his song...). He said "I'm singin'." A couple minutes later it got really quiet in the bedroom. I called back again "What are you doing?" And he responded "Thinkin' about singin'!" I don't know if that was funny to anyone else, but it made me smile. And in some strange way it kind of characterizes our home.
Monday, April 20, 2009
.................................................................
ee cummings said "the earth laughs in flowers" and i think i would agree. especially after my visit to the botanical gardens with luke and my parents this weekend. here are a few glimpses, which will hardly do justice to the beauty that we saw:
it's a dreary day outside. following a beautiful weekend. i don't have much else to say.
i kind of feel like this today:
...but i'm not really sure why...
it's a dreary day outside. following a beautiful weekend. i don't have much else to say.i kind of feel like this today:
...but i'm not really sure why...
Wednesday, April 15, 2009
What some would call weeds...
When we were little Jenny's favorite flower was a dandelion. I remember at one point someone made a comment about how dandelions were weeds and Jenny got upset. I don't remember the result. I do, however, remember that even though they are considered weeds, my Mom would put the dandelions that were frequently picked for her in the little Dollar General vases we got her one year for Mother's Day with our own money. Monday I picked some dandelions. And I think that they are quite pretty:
Last weekend was pretty hard for me. It was the first weekend (I'm pretty sure ever) that I haven't been at home for Easter. It's the first Easter that I can remember that I haven't gotten up early with my Dad to go to the local Sunrise service. The first weekend I haven't hunted for an Easter basket with my sisters...
Instead, Luke and I woke up early to go down to the Lincoln Memorial to a sunrise service put on by a church in Vienna, VA--the furthest suburb that a metro goes to--ironically named Capital Church. Not to be too cynical, but everything about the service screamed "we're a white, mega-church in the suburbs".
But I've digressed. The service was not the point. It was beautiful to see the sun come up over the Capitol Building and the Washington Memorial, slowly casting it's glow on us as we stood, and together sang praises to God and the risen Savior. And I know that those praises sounded as sweet to the Lord as those that were being sung at the same time in Mebane by a small group, where I was longing to be.
We arrived to church slightly late, just as they were finishing my favorite Easter Hymn, Christ the Lord is Risen Today. And then our small group was in charge of lunch, so I left early to help prepare the meal downstairs. Later in the afternoon Luke and I went over to the house a couple in our small group is house-sitting and we hung out with members of the small group and church, in general, laughing and telling stories. We watched the movie The Robe, which I had never seen, but that Jordan watches every Easter. We watched it curled up under blankets and trying to stay awake.
All in all, when I was falling asleep Sunday night, I felt like I had missed Easter.
So Monday morning I woke up and during my quiet time I went through the bulletin from the Sunday service, reading the various passages that were read and singing the songs in the order they were sung. I wanted to remember the meaning of Easter and worship Jesus like He deserves to be worshiped. Like I had neglected to worship Him on Easter and instead fallen prey to business and cynicism. But somewhere between reading through the death and resurrection story, and watching a video on You-tube so I could sing the words of a forgotten tune, I realized the reality of what had happened so long ago. I realized that Jesus let Himself be nailed to a cross and die.
Did you get that?
He was nailed to a cross...
And all of a sudden I became very angry. This weird mixture of anger and sorrow and wanting to throw up.
Why in the world would someone die for humanity. For a greedy, selfish and unloving world. Secular and Christian alike. For me...
And it wasn't long before having this thought that I immediately wanted to make myself good enough to deserve the horrible death of a perfect human being...but that's the point of grace that I don't deserve.
And I realized something else during this. I only love the people I deem worthy of loving. I wouldn't die for all of humanity...
I was listening to Michael W. Smith* and he has this song that claims that love isn't love until you give it away. And that Jesus' life was love and He gave it away. And I've always found that song incredibly powerful. But it hit me that my love, the love that I hoard to myself and give to people I deem worthy, is not really love. I need to give it away to everyone...
...because I'm not perfect either. I'm desperately in need of grace. I'm the reason why Jesus had to die. And if God judged me as worthy or not worthy of love, like I tend to judge others (consciously or unconsciously...) then I would definitely fall on the not worthy side...
Lucky for me...for us..., what some would call weeds, God has called flowers...
*Okay, everyone, I know I have sat silently by while many of you enjoyed publicly bashing Michael W. Smith...but now it's out in the open, I've loved Michael W. Smith since I can remember and I still do. Including all of the '80's music. And Friends. *gasp* If you wouldn't have been my friend knowing this previously, I'm sorry I tricked you so...please do not disown me =)
Last weekend was pretty hard for me. It was the first weekend (I'm pretty sure ever) that I haven't been at home for Easter. It's the first Easter that I can remember that I haven't gotten up early with my Dad to go to the local Sunrise service. The first weekend I haven't hunted for an Easter basket with my sisters...
Instead, Luke and I woke up early to go down to the Lincoln Memorial to a sunrise service put on by a church in Vienna, VA--the furthest suburb that a metro goes to--ironically named Capital Church. Not to be too cynical, but everything about the service screamed "we're a white, mega-church in the suburbs".
But I've digressed. The service was not the point. It was beautiful to see the sun come up over the Capitol Building and the Washington Memorial, slowly casting it's glow on us as we stood, and together sang praises to God and the risen Savior. And I know that those praises sounded as sweet to the Lord as those that were being sung at the same time in Mebane by a small group, where I was longing to be.
We arrived to church slightly late, just as they were finishing my favorite Easter Hymn, Christ the Lord is Risen Today. And then our small group was in charge of lunch, so I left early to help prepare the meal downstairs. Later in the afternoon Luke and I went over to the house a couple in our small group is house-sitting and we hung out with members of the small group and church, in general, laughing and telling stories. We watched the movie The Robe, which I had never seen, but that Jordan watches every Easter. We watched it curled up under blankets and trying to stay awake.
All in all, when I was falling asleep Sunday night, I felt like I had missed Easter.
So Monday morning I woke up and during my quiet time I went through the bulletin from the Sunday service, reading the various passages that were read and singing the songs in the order they were sung. I wanted to remember the meaning of Easter and worship Jesus like He deserves to be worshiped. Like I had neglected to worship Him on Easter and instead fallen prey to business and cynicism. But somewhere between reading through the death and resurrection story, and watching a video on You-tube so I could sing the words of a forgotten tune, I realized the reality of what had happened so long ago. I realized that Jesus let Himself be nailed to a cross and die.
Did you get that?
He was nailed to a cross...
And all of a sudden I became very angry. This weird mixture of anger and sorrow and wanting to throw up.
Why in the world would someone die for humanity. For a greedy, selfish and unloving world. Secular and Christian alike. For me...
And it wasn't long before having this thought that I immediately wanted to make myself good enough to deserve the horrible death of a perfect human being...but that's the point of grace that I don't deserve.
And I realized something else during this. I only love the people I deem worthy of loving. I wouldn't die for all of humanity...
I was listening to Michael W. Smith* and he has this song that claims that love isn't love until you give it away. And that Jesus' life was love and He gave it away. And I've always found that song incredibly powerful. But it hit me that my love, the love that I hoard to myself and give to people I deem worthy, is not really love. I need to give it away to everyone...
...because I'm not perfect either. I'm desperately in need of grace. I'm the reason why Jesus had to die. And if God judged me as worthy or not worthy of love, like I tend to judge others (consciously or unconsciously...) then I would definitely fall on the not worthy side...
Lucky for me...for us..., what some would call weeds, God has called flowers...
...let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God...
__________________________________
*Okay, everyone, I know I have sat silently by while many of you enjoyed publicly bashing Michael W. Smith...but now it's out in the open, I've loved Michael W. Smith since I can remember and I still do. Including all of the '80's music. And Friends. *gasp* If you wouldn't have been my friend knowing this previously, I'm sorry I tricked you so...please do not disown me =)
Saturday, April 11, 2009
Picture Project Post, April 2-April 10
It's a dreary day outside, perfect for cuddling up with a blanket and tea and a good book, which is just what I plan on doing later in the afternoon. Right now Luke and I are listening to Wait Wait... Don't Tell Me, the NPR news show. Luke is working on filing our taxes, and I am, of course, blogging.
Thursday night at work I ate 2/3 of a roll of Ritz Crackers. It was an incredibly slow night...
I don't have much more to say, today, so I will simply commence (I always feel like that word should mean "end" instead of "begin...) the picture portion.
Thursday night at work I ate 2/3 of a roll of Ritz Crackers. It was an incredibly slow night...
I don't have much more to say, today, so I will simply commence (I always feel like that word should mean "end" instead of "begin...) the picture portion.
________________________________
April 2, 2009: We went down with Uzma to look at the Cherry Blossoms. They were absolutely beautiful. We had a lot of fun walking around, looking at all of the flowers. But there were a TON of people there. On a Thursday! We were pretty glad we went down on Thursday instead of on the weeken
d...
April 3, 2009: Heading back to North Carolina! This is a mural on the side of a building in the city going down North Capitol, heading on the New York Ave. Guess what this building is? Go on...guess...It's a FUNERAL HOME. Yeah, just a little bit strange...
April 4, 2009: At the Dean Dome with sisters, brother, parents and Whitney! And, as you probably know, we won! =)
April 5, 2009: On the way to Dook Gardens with the family and Teddy! It was really beautiful (as beautiful as anything at Dook can be, that is). I could have posted pictures of flowers or my family, but this picture of Ted was just too cute to resist!
April 6, 2009: Watching the Campionship game in the Dean Dome with my sisters!
April 7, 2009: On Franklin Street after the game with my sisters, Ben and Kevin! It was taken around 1:00 AM, it was a fun night!
April 8, 2009: I slept all day after my shift, but I woke up to this beautiful sunset, which lit up our room with beautiful oranges and pink
s.
April 9, 2009: I like it when I'm home in the mornings and I make Luke a dinobite sandwich =)
April 10, 2009: Sedar meal with our small group. I really like partaking in the Sedar Meal. And we had a really knowledgable man to lead us, and his father-in-law, who incorporated a lot of Jewish tradition. It was pretty cool. This picture was taken before we started. Everyone was getting ready. We sat around the room in a circle.
____________________________
April 2, 2009: We went down with Uzma to look at the Cherry Blossoms. They were absolutely beautiful. We had a lot of fun walking around, looking at all of the flowers. But there were a TON of people there. On a Thursday! We were pretty glad we went down on Thursday instead of on the weeken
d...April 3, 2009: Heading back to North Carolina! This is a mural on the side of a building in the city going down North Capitol, heading on the New York Ave. Guess what this building is? Go on...guess...It's a FUNERAL HOME. Yeah, just a little bit strange...
April 4, 2009: At the Dean Dome with sisters, brother, parents and Whitney! And, as you probably know, we won! =)
April 5, 2009: On the way to Dook Gardens with the family and Teddy! It was really beautiful (as beautiful as anything at Dook can be, that is). I could have posted pictures of flowers or my family, but this picture of Ted was just too cute to resist!
April 6, 2009: Watching the Campionship game in the Dean Dome with my sisters!
April 7, 2009: On Franklin Street after the game with my sisters, Ben and Kevin! It was taken around 1:00 AM, it was a fun night!
April 8, 2009: I slept all day after my shift, but I woke up to this beautiful sunset, which lit up our room with beautiful oranges and pink
s.April 9, 2009: I like it when I'm home in the mornings and I make Luke a dinobite sandwich =)
April 10, 2009: Sedar meal with our small group. I really like partaking in the Sedar Meal. And we had a really knowledgable man to lead us, and his father-in-law, who incorporated a lot of Jewish tradition. It was pretty cool. This picture was taken before we started. Everyone was getting ready. We sat around the room in a circle.
____________________________
Have a wonderful Easter weekend, friends.
Wednesday, April 8, 2009
I've seen ashes shine like chrome.
This week has been a hard one. The kind where I feel every single one of my weaknesses and not a single one of my strengths. The kind where at the drop of a hat I can burst into tears. I don't know if it is the continuing struggle with the brokenness I see, or if I'm just incredibly homesick for the past. Or both.
This weekend was both hard and good. Chapel Hill was wonderful. Sitting in the arboretum, talking to old friends by the ATMs, eating at [B]Ski's, going to the Dean Dome, rushing Franklin...
...but the whole time there was a voice in my head saying, you don't belong here anymore. But where do I belong, I inquire restlessly after the voice...but, of course, the voice is then silent...
I feel like I'm not making much sense tonight. Maybe it's because in the past 36 hours I've slept about 6 of them...
I think all in all I'm having a hard time dealing with brokenness and with death...and I don't like it when I'm humbled, or when I see people suffering, or when people die (and it seems like lately I've seen a lot of all three...)
But on the way home from DC, between the naps and the tears and the confusion there was this song. And I was reminded that this world is not home either. Not DC. Not North Carolina. Those things are dust...are ashes shining like chrome, as this Switchfoot song puts it....and brokenness hurts, and being alone and left out hurts, and death hurts...but they aren't forever...and while right now I'm weary someday I'll see home...real home...
This weekend was both hard and good. Chapel Hill was wonderful. Sitting in the arboretum, talking to old friends by the ATMs, eating at [B]Ski's, going to the Dean Dome, rushing Franklin...
...but the whole time there was a voice in my head saying, you don't belong here anymore. But where do I belong, I inquire restlessly after the voice...but, of course, the voice is then silent...
I feel like I'm not making much sense tonight. Maybe it's because in the past 36 hours I've slept about 6 of them...
I think all in all I'm having a hard time dealing with brokenness and with death...and I don't like it when I'm humbled, or when I see people suffering, or when people die (and it seems like lately I've seen a lot of all three...)
But on the way home from DC, between the naps and the tears and the confusion there was this song. And I was reminded that this world is not home either. Not DC. Not North Carolina. Those things are dust...are ashes shining like chrome, as this Switchfoot song puts it....and brokenness hurts, and being alone and left out hurts, and death hurts...but they aren't forever...and while right now I'm weary someday I'll see home...real home...
it's a long was from miami to la
it's a longer was from yesterday to where i am today
it's a long way from my thoughts to what i'll say
it's a long, long way from paradise to where i am today
all that's in my head is in Your hands
it's a long way from the moon up to the sun
it's a longer road ahead of me, the road that i've begun
stop to think of all the time i've lost
start to think of all the bridges that i've burned that must be crossed
over, over, over, take me over
i've been poison, i've been rain, i've been fooled again
i've seen ashes shine like chrome
someday i'll see home...
i can see the stars from way down here
but i can't fall asleep at the wheel
it's a long way from the shadows in my cave
up to Your reality to watch sunlight taking over
over, over, over take me over
i've been poison, i've been rain, i've been fooled again
i've seen ashes shine like chrome
someday i'll be home...
all that's in my head is in Your hands
if it's in my head it's in Your hands...
it's a longer was from yesterday to where i am today
it's a long way from my thoughts to what i'll say
it's a long, long way from paradise to where i am today
all that's in my head is in Your hands
it's a long way from the moon up to the sun
it's a longer road ahead of me, the road that i've begun
stop to think of all the time i've lost
start to think of all the bridges that i've burned that must be crossed
over, over, over, take me over
i've been poison, i've been rain, i've been fooled again
i've seen ashes shine like chrome
someday i'll see home...
i can see the stars from way down here
but i can't fall asleep at the wheel
it's a long way from the shadows in my cave
up to Your reality to watch sunlight taking over
over, over, over take me over
i've been poison, i've been rain, i've been fooled again
i've seen ashes shine like chrome
someday i'll be home...
all that's in my head is in Your hands
if it's in my head it's in Your hands...
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