I've seen ashes shine like chrome.

This week has been a hard one. The kind where I feel every single one of my weaknesses and not a single one of my strengths. The kind where at the drop of a hat I can burst into tears. I don't know if it is the continuing struggle with the brokenness I see, or if I'm just incredibly homesick for the past. Or both.

This weekend was both hard and good. Chapel Hill was wonderful. Sitting in the arboretum, talking to old friends by the ATMs, eating at [B]Ski's, going to the Dean Dome, rushing Franklin...

...but the whole time there was a voice in my head saying, you don't belong here anymore. But where do I belong, I inquire restlessly after the voice...but, of course, the voice is then silent...

I feel like I'm not making much sense tonight. Maybe it's because in the past 36 hours I've slept about 6 of them...

I think all in all I'm having a hard time dealing with brokenness and with death...and I don't like it when I'm humbled, or when I see people suffering, or when people die (and it seems like lately I've seen a lot of all three...)

But on the way home from DC, between the naps and the tears and the confusion there was this song. And I was reminded that this world is not home either. Not DC. Not North Carolina. Those things are dust...are ashes shining like chrome, as this Switchfoot song puts it....and brokenness hurts, and being alone and left out hurts, and death hurts...but they aren't forever...and while right now I'm weary someday I'll see home...real home...

it's a long was from miami to la
it's a longer was from yesterday to where i am today
it's a long way from my thoughts to what i'll say
it's a long, long way from paradise to where i am today
all that's in my head is in Your hands
it's a long way from the moon up to the sun
it's a longer road ahead of me, the road that i've begun
stop to think of all the time i've lost
start to think of all the bridges that i've burned that must be crossed
over, over, over, take me over
i've been poison, i've been rain, i've been fooled again
i've seen ashes shine like chrome
someday i'll see home...
i can see the stars from way down here
but i can't fall asleep at the wheel
it's a long way from the shadows in my cave
up to Your reality to watch sunlight taking over
over, over, over take me over
i've been poison, i've been rain, i've been fooled again
i've seen ashes shine like chrome
someday i'll be home...
all that's in my head is in Your hands
if it's in my head it's in Your hands...