What some would call weeds...

When we were little Jenny's favorite flower was a dandelion. I remember at one point someone made a comment about how dandelions were weeds and Jenny got upset. I don't remember the result. I do, however, remember that even though they are considered weeds, my Mom would put the dandelions that were frequently picked for her in the little Dollar General vases we got her one year for Mother's Day with our own money. Monday I picked some dandelions. And I think that they are quite pretty:


Last weekend was pretty hard for me. It was the first weekend (I'm pretty sure ever) that I haven't been at home for Easter. It's the first Easter that I can remember that I haven't gotten up early with my Dad to go to the local Sunrise service. The first weekend I haven't hunted for an Easter basket with my sisters...

Instead, Luke and I woke up early to go down to the Lincoln Memorial to a sunrise service put on by a church in Vienna, VA--the furthest suburb that a metro goes to--ironically named Capital Church. Not to be too cynical, but everything about the service screamed "we're a white, mega-church in the suburbs".

But I've digressed. The service was not the point. It was beautiful to see the sun come up over the Capitol Building and the Washington Memorial, slowly casting it's glow on us as we stood, and together sang praises to God and the risen Savior. And I know that those praises sounded as sweet to the Lord as those that were being sung at the same time in Mebane by a small group, where I was longing to be.

We arrived to church slightly late, just as they were finishing my favorite Easter Hymn, Christ the Lord is Risen Today. And then our small group was in charge of lunch, so I left early to help prepare the meal downstairs. Later in the afternoon Luke and I went over to the house a couple in our small group is house-sitting and we hung out with members of the small group and church, in general, laughing and telling stories. We watched the movie The Robe, which I had never seen, but that Jordan watches every Easter. We watched it curled up under blankets and trying to stay awake.

All in all, when I was falling asleep Sunday night, I felt like I had missed Easter.

So Monday morning I woke up and during my quiet time I went through the bulletin from the Sunday service, reading the various passages that were read and singing the songs in the order they were sung. I wanted to remember the meaning of Easter and worship Jesus like He deserves to be worshiped. Like I had neglected to worship Him on Easter and instead fallen prey to business and cynicism. But somewhere between reading through the death and resurrection story, and watching a video on You-tube so I could sing the words of a forgotten tune, I realized the reality of what had happened so long ago. I realized that Jesus let Himself be nailed to a cross and die.

Did you get that?

He was nailed to a cross...

And all of a sudden I became very angry. This weird mixture of anger and sorrow and wanting to throw up.

Why in the world would someone die for humanity. For a greedy, selfish and unloving world. Secular and Christian alike. For me...

And it wasn't long before having this thought that I immediately wanted to make myself good enough to deserve the horrible death of a perfect human being...but that's the point of grace that I don't deserve.

And I realized something else during this. I only love the people I deem worthy of loving. I wouldn't die for all of humanity...

I was listening to Michael W. Smith* and he has this song that claims that love isn't love until you give it away. And that Jesus' life was love and He gave it away. And I've always found that song incredibly powerful. But it hit me that my love, the love that I hoard to myself and give to people I deem worthy, is not really love. I need to give it away to everyone...

...because I'm not perfect either. I'm desperately in need of grace. I'm the reason why Jesus had to die. And if God judged me as worthy or not worthy of love, like I tend to judge others (consciously or unconsciously...) then I would definitely fall on the not worthy side...

Lucky for me...for us..., what some would call weeds, God has called flowers...

...let us fix our eyes on Jesus, the author and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy set before him endured the cross, scorning its shame, and sat down at the right hand of the throne of God...

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*Okay, everyone, I know I have sat silently by while many of you enjoyed publicly bashing Michael W. Smith...but now it's out in the open, I've loved Michael W. Smith since I can remember and I still do. Including all of the '80's music. And Friends. *gasp* If you wouldn't have been my friend knowing this previously, I'm sorry I tricked you so...please do not disown me =)